How Not To Drive Home For Snoggletog
by harrypanther
Summary: Modern AU. Hiccup Haddock left home six years ago immediately after High School...but this Snoggletog, he is finally returning. Unfortunately, fate seem to be conspiring to prevent him going home, starting with an encounter with a fiery blonde... Christmas-themed story. Hiccstrid.
1. Reluctant Returnee

**How Not To Drive Home for Snoggletog**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon: rights remain the property of Cressida Cowell and Dreamworks. Any similarities with 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles' is purely intentional and no, I don't own the rights to that either..**

 **A/N: It's Christmas time and I was listening to the radio…when I heard Chris Rea's 'Driving Home for Christmas'. And somehow I just imagined our heroes heading back to Berk for the holidays…of course, some chaos has to ensue...or maybe it's just the journey home from Hel…**

 **Enjoy and Happy Holidays! - harrypanther**

 **One: Reluctant Returnee**

Hiccup Haddock looked up as the last other person in the office paused by his desk. He looked up from his mess, blinking as the husky man offered his hand.

"Happy Christmas, Harrison!" he boomed and Hiccup levered himself to his feet, giving a firm handshake.

"You too, Terrence," he said pleasantly. "You'll be spending it with Gerda?" The balding man nodded, his twinkling dark eyes warm with happiness as he pulled his orange knitted scarf tighter around his thick neck.

"Of course," he smiled. "Christmas is a time for family. My son, Fergus and our daughter, Laura, will be coming home. And about a dozen cousins, aunts and grandparents!" Hiccup smiled, his emerald eyes warmed by the man's enthusiasm. Terrence was a fine designer and engineer and was intensely proud of his family. Over the five years he had worked at the company, Hiccup had gotten to know them intimately from his tales.

"Sounds busy," he commented, trying to get his hand back. Terrence beamed broadly.

"It's the happiest time of the year," he enthused then stared at the tall lean man facing him, his dark auburn hair a little shaggy and brushing his collar, his face with pale skin and wide emerald eyes guarded. "Are you going home this year?" Hiccup shrugged and gave a reluctant nod.

"Yeah…I'm heading back for Snoggletog this year," he admitted. "The break's long enough to make the trip worthwhile…" Terrence nodded.

"Well, have a fantastic time!" he said, turning to the door. "Merry Christmas!"

"And to you," Hiccup said as he watched the man go. Slowly he sank back into his seat, his concentration broken. He really wasn't looking forward to going back home for the holiday but it was his father's sixtieth birthday on the 26th so he felt kind of obliged to finally return. After all, it had been over six years since he had left Berk and he hadn't set foot back in the isolated northern town since he sneaked out by bus, three days after High School Graduation, leaving a note for his parents and reassuring them that he would be in touch…eventually.

He had headed south, cautiously spending the money he had saved from working in Gobber's garage for the last three years to fund the long journey and a very cheap motel room. He had a letter of recommendation from his High School Principal and a reference from Gobber as well as his High School Diploma, his personal documents and a GED he had taken in the name of 'Harrison Hanson'. With these, he had secured work in a rather rough bar and had applied for a variety of jobs until he had landed this one, in a medium-sized engineering firm that had funded his degree.

He sighed, tidied his papers and saved his work, then closed his computer, switched of his lamp and grabbed his messenger bag and his leather jacket, fishing his motorbike helmet from under the desk and heading down to the park. It was already seven and he ought to set out tonight: it was a very long journey home. He was the last man so he dutifully clicked the lights off and made sure the door was closed and locked, though he knew Gary from Security would check all the doors on his rounds. Then he pulled his dark pewter-coloured helmet on, the black dragon on the back a fair approximation of the Night Fury, the fastest, most intelligent and most accurate dragon…and definitely the coolest. Then he swung onto his bike, kicking it off the stand and starting the engine, then gliding away.

He weaved his way through the traffic, his sleek black motorcycle drawing the eyes wherever it went. He still smiled and felt that thrill every time he turned the key and heard the engine purr: it had been in poor shape when he had bought it, almost fit for scrap-because that was all he could afford-but he had restored it to its former glory and more. He dipped between two buses and flipped round the right turn, gliding down into the underground car park at his apartment building.

His apartment was modest but clean, neat and airy with beautiful views across the park. Once he was in through the small lobby, a bundle of black fur threw itself on him, a selection of annoyed meows and little chirruping noises reminding him that he was late and dinner was overdue. Automatically, he dropped to a knee and scratched the small cat behind the ears and under the chin until he collapsed in a pile of drooling feline ecstasy, purring loudly.

"Yeah, I know, bud," he murmured. "But I wanted to finish up before the holidays. Someone has to earn money to buy cat food…and other things…and I don't see you sending your resume out to any potential employers…"

The cat meowed plaintively, the long black tail flicking erratically. With a sigh, Hiccup levered himself up. "Mrs Ramirez from the second floor will be feeding you for the next few days, bud," he told the cat, liberally dishing out the cat food and refreshing the water in the bowl. The cat looked pointedly at him, green eyes locked on his face. "I know, Toothless," he murmured apologetically. "But can't exactly take you on a road trip halfway across the country to go and see my family…not that they like cats anyway…"

Toothless the cat gave him a final baleful look then turned to demolishing the food so rapidly that Hiccup felt another stabbing pang of guilt. The cat had been really hungry and he found himself opening an extra pouch and pouring the food into the bowl. Toothless gave a little mew and carried on eating as Hiccup swiftly went to his bedroom, stripped his work clothes off and got on his thermals and then slipped on a long-sleeved green T shirt and his leathers. He checked his holdall contained everything he needed for the trip, then grabbed his phone, wallet and keys and petted Toothless once more. The little cat gave a small meow again, rubbed his head firmly against his hand, then stalked back into the apartment.

"Yeah, love you too," he muttered. "See you in a few days…" Then he locked his apartment, thanked Mrs Ramirez and headed down to his bike. He double-checked his luggage, slid the key into the ignition and turned, his gloved hands tightening. He sighed then zoomed up the ramp and out onto the highway, heading north.

Hiccup Haddock had been the Mayor's son in Berk, a scrawny, skinny, undergrown kid with bright green eyes and auburn hair and he was teased for both. Stoick, his father, was an enormous bear of a man, hard on four hundred pounds, six foot ten with flaming red hair and an enormous beard. Valka, his mother, was over six feet, willowy and elegant with rapier intelligence and the same emerald eyes that were considered stunning on her as they were not on their son. Hiccup had been bullied and isolated, paling by comparison with his impressive and universally admired parents and his cousin Snotlout, who was the premier jock at High School. Quiet, sarcastic, nerdy runt Hiccup was just…nobody. His only friend, Fishlegs, had finally abandoned him by Junior Year and girl he had loved hadn't even known he existed. So he had planned his escape and after Graduation, he had gone. He doubted his school-mates even noticed he had left town.

So he had left Hiccup behind as well and become Harrison Hanson…or Harry to most people. It wasn't his name but it wasn't Hiccup either, though if anyone found anything with his initials on, at least they matched. Harrison had an apartment, a loyal(ish) cat and a kick-ass motorbike and was liked and respected by his work colleagues. He had a few friends and they knew he would be out of town…though most were surprised because he never talked about his family. He had just explained it was his father's birthday so he would be attending-even though he didn't really get on with his family.

He sighed and pulled into a gas station to fill up the bike and as he carefully refuelled and stretched, his neck cracking audibly, he wished he could think of a viable excuse to avoid the trip. He was used to riding the bike but the crouched position could make him stiff after a long period. Sighing, he wandered into the actual building, grabbed a coffee and ambled up to the attendant.

"Nice bike," the guy said admiringly as Hiccup flipped up his visor and sipped his coffee.

"Night Fury 281," he confirmed. "Found her as a wreck in the local junk yard and rebuilt her myself." He was grinning, his eyes twinkling at the thought of creating his beautiful bike, the hard work, the act of building parts and scavenging others until he found himself doing the final paint and polish…

"Sweet ride, dude," he young attendant complimented him. Hiccup nodded, pocketed his change and drained his cup of coffee, discarding the cup in the trash.

"Thanks," Hiccup said and turned back to his bike. Really, if he could think of the slightest reason, he would cancel the whole trip. Only duty and the pleas of his mother over the phone had made him agree. Even sitting alone in his apartment over Snoggletog with a book and Toothless for company was preferable to being back in Berk and feeling inadequate once more. He had spoken to his family after six months and the line had always been the same:

 _"_ _Come home, son. You don't belong there. You should be back among your own kith and kin, working at the Mayor's Office and learning the ropes for the day you can step up and take over running the town from me."_

Of course, that had never been Hiccup's plan. He had no intention of ever moving into politics: he was an engineer, a man who built and created things. And he knew that his experiences at School meant he would never be respected by his peers and had confirmed his instincts that he never wanted to stand forward and chase the role of Mayor. So inevitably, there would be arguments and he would be cast in the role of the irresponsible, disloyal son, letting down the Haddock family tradition of running Berk.

"Good thing I'm no longer a Haddock," he murmured wryly as he turned the key and felt the engine purr into life. He shifted into gear, flipped his visor down and moved off, cautiously checking as he pulled out onto the Highway and accelerated, leaning forward and settling into another long stint of his journey.

But when the blue car raced out of the junction in front of him without slowing, he had no chance to swerve or hope of avoiding the collision. He only had the time to close his eyes before the crash…


	2. A Really Bad Day

**Two: A Really Bad Day**

Astrid Hofferson had been having a really bad day. She had quit her job, finalised her divorce and now had a long drive back to Berk for the annual Snoggletog celebration with her family. The last thing she needed was some idiot scumbag on a motorbike slamming into her as she pulled out onto the main Highway north.

She stopped the car and switched off the engine, unfastening her seatbelt and emerging into the cold night. The road was almost completely deserted…apart from the idiot who had hit her. She growled as she inspected the passenger side, seeing the huge dent from the impact and managing a string of expletives before glaring at the motorcycle, lying bent and scraped on the floor. Reluctantly, she went to look at the rider, the man in black who had flown over her car and impacted hard on the asphalt, rolling before lying still.

He was lying flat on his back, breathing quietly. He was tall and lean, his deep metallic grey helmet scraped but still obviously decorated with a black dragon with acid green eyes. Astrid paused, reaching for her phone to call 9-1-1 for an ambulance as the man abruptly sat up, wrenching his helmet off and glaring her.

"You utter moron!" he snarled.

Astrid blinked in shock at the accusation and lowered her phone, her azure eyes narrowing in anger.

"What?" she snapped, icily. The man grimaced as he moved, his emerald eyes narrowing under well-defined brows, messy auburn hair framing a pale face with sharp jaw and occasional freckles.

"Don't you know how to look at an intersection? Check for other traffic before pulling onto the Highway? Not pull out in the path of an oncoming vehicle?" he growled, sarcasm oozing from his voice.

"I beg your pardon?" she said in shock at the vehemence of his attack.

"Oh, it is definitely not granted," he told her, wincing as he moved and slowly bracing his arms to help himself up. She scowled.

"I wasn't apologising," she spat at him.

"You should. You were in the wrong," he told her shortly, slowly getting to his knees. He was gritting his teeth in pain.

"I pulled out after appropriately checking the road," she said tartly, her temper rising. She knew she had been checking the radio and had assumed the way would be clear at this time of night. "How fast were you going anyway? I didn't see any lights…" The man cast a look at his crumpled bike: the headlamp was still on.

"Need an optometrist then," he told her sarcastically. "There it is." She blushed.

"But you had to be speeding…" she argued, rubbing her arms. The night was cold and she had left her coat in the car. The man slowly stumbled to his feet, wincing as he put any pressure on his left leg.

"I doubt it…" he said angrily, pointing to the gas station a half-mile back. "Just come outta there after refuelling. I didn't have _time_ to get up to any speed." Astrid glared at him for a long moment then gave an exasperated sigh.

"Fine! I wasn't looking," she spat. "I had other things to do."

"You mean apart from almost killing me?" the man snapped, his emerald eyes vaguely familiar. She blinked and shook herself.

"Sorry, alright?" she snapped, not sounding the least bit contrite.

"Wow, feeling the sincerity," the man snarked. "You knock me down, wreck my bike and ruin my plans." He stared at the wrecked bike and gestured at the scraped and mangled vehicle. "Eighteen months work, trashed. Thank you _so_ much, Miss I-don't-give-a-shit-I-wiped-you-out!"

"Hey, you're not the only one who's having a bad day!" she spat back. His emerald eyes widened in shock.

"What? You're pretending a bad day excuses…this…?" he scoffed, his arms swinging to encompass the whole of the crash scene. "I have no way to get back home for Snoggletog now. There is zero chance I could get a train or flight at this notice-everything has gone or is fully booked-and it's Snoggletog in two days anyway. And Berk isn't that easy to…"

"Berk?" Astrid asked, inclining her head. "That's where I'm heading. I-I could give you a lift…" The man stared at her and his expression was incredulous.

"What? With your driving? Oh Thor, we'll be killed before we even leave the State!" That hit her hard and she folded her arms brusquely across her chest.

"You can always try hitching a lift," she snapped back.

"Oh, you'd love that," he retorted. "You wreck my bike and then leave me to hitch hike all the way to Berk. I'd arrive by next Snoggletog." He took a deep breath. "Okay. Offer accepted. But that doesn't get you off the hook. I still expect you to pay for repairs to my bike." She scowled: the divorce had been messy and she was short on cash-especially since she had just left her job, lost the home she had shared with her now ex-husband and was heading home with a car full of her worldly possessions…but she nodded. It _had_ been her fault.

"Okay," she conceded. "So how do we work this?" There was a pause as the rider limped to his broken bike, gritting his teeth as he righted it and grimaced at the damage.

"Drive to that gas station," he told her decidedly, indicating back to the garage he had just left. "The attendant told me they have a garage as well. I'll leave it with them and arrange for it to be taken home after Snoggletog. Unless you decide to sneak off and abandon me…" She flushed.

"Will you be okay pushing the bike back…?" she asked and he nodded curtly, his expression still angry.

"Fine," he snapped, looking both ways for oncoming traffic then crossed the highway to begin the long trudge back.

oOo

Astrid began to feel pangs of guilt as the man discussed the damaged bike with the attendant and the young guy sympathised over the damage to the beautiful bike. Motorcycles weren't Astrid's thing but she gathered that it had been a classic model that had been lovingly restored by the rider…which she had totally trashed through her carelessness. The fact the man's leathers were so badly scraped and both knees and elbows ripped to shreds only made her feel worse. The rider absently ran his left hand through his tousled auburn hair and managed a small smile as the attendant promised to look after the bike and they exchanged details.

The rider collected his possessions in a holdall from the compartment at the back of the bike, unstrapped the small rucksack and bought some aspirin and a load of antiseptic and band-aids for his various scrapes and bruises before grabbing his helmet and limping towards Astrid.

"Okay, I'm ready," he said more calmly. "I still haven't forgiven you but I'm really out of options…" She paused.

"I'd like to know who I'm risking my safety with first," she challenged him.

"Well, I'd kinda like to know who almost killed me back there," he retorted. She glared, flipping her braid over her left shoulder and he sighed. "Fine. Harry Hanson."

"Astrid Gregory," she said out of habit, almost cringing at still using her married name even though she was now legally free of it. "Pleased to…er…" He gave her a roll of the eyes.

"The feeling is NOT mutual," he told her, "but it is what it is." She frowned, staring more intently at him. The feeling of familiarity was stronger now, in the well-lit environment of the garage. "What? Have I grown a second head?"

"Do I know you?" she asked him thoughtfully and he suddenly and unexpectedly broke into a lopsided smile that was really cute.

"There are hundreds of millions of people in this country and there must be thousands who look like this…raw Vikingness," he noted dryly, gesturing to his scraped shape. "I must just have one of those faces." She smiled at the tone.

"Um…okay, I guess," she admitted. "So…you good to go?"

"As I ever will be, bike-wrecker Astrid Gregory," he teased her. She indicated to her banged up blue car.

"Then come on, lunatic biker Harry Hanson!" she retorted and he smirked.

"That's hardly fair since I was entirely innocent in the collision…" he protested, limping along by her.

"Shut up and get in!" she snapped, unlocking the door. He peered into the cramped space, the inside crammed with various possessions and groaned.

"Well, this is going to be a fun trip," he grumbled.

"Don't complain-you can always hitch a lift," she replied, sliding in and fastening her belt. He folded his long legs, stuffed his bag under his knees, put his rucksack and helmet on his knees and strapped himself in. He sighed.

"Drive on…and try not to get us killed," he said. Her eyes narrowed as she shifted into gear, put her foot down and sped out of the gas station, not missing the biker's knuckles whitening as he grabbed the dashboard.

"Oh, this is gonna be a long trip," he grumbled.


	3. Awkward

**Three: Awkward**

Hiccup had almost lost feeling in his legs as he noticed Astrid yawn for the fourth time and he sighed. Reaching out, he tapped her on the shoulder and her head snapped up, eyes blinking owlishly.

"I'm awake!" she snapped. He rolled his eyes.

"Not for long," he grumbled. "Were you planning on taking a break or just driving until you fell asleep and crashed me again?"

"No, of course not!" she said irritably, her eyes red from tiredness."I'm fine."

"Excuse me for not believing you! When were you planning on taking a break. And where?"

She drove on for a few moments, her headlamps illuminating the empty road ahead of them. "I was just gonna find a place and sleep in the car for a few hours," she admitted.

He almost choked. "Thor, no way!" he coughed. "Apart from how freakin' dangerous that is…"

"Did you just say 'freakin''?" she smirked.

"Um…yeah…but not sleeping in a car!" he protested.

"Well, the other option is the ground outside," she snapped.

"Actually…I have a motel booked…about ten miles up the road," he told her. She stared at him and swerved. He gave a small shriek as she wrenched the wheel and just avoided driving off the road.

"AARGH! Can you even drive?" he shouted.

"Of course I can!" she yelled at him.

"So not convinced!" he retorted. "You nearly killed me and now you nearly crashed us both!"

"How did you know we would be here?" she demanded.

"I expected _me_ to be here and knew this would be far enough before needing a break," Hiccup told her shortly. "Now are we going to make it alive or should I call ahead and tell them to cancel because we'll be dead in a twisted pile of metal?" Astrid muttered under her breath, her eyes fixed on the windshield.

"Ten miles?" she asked.

"Probably nine now," he said and they sat in awkward silence until the motel appeared on the left. Astrid swerved across the carriageway and screeched to a halt by the main entrance. Hiccup tentatively opened his eyes and muttered a prayer to Thor. "I'm alive," he muttered and opened the door, wincing as he unfolded and staggered, his legs almost buckling. "I'll check in," he said and tried to rub the life back into his cramped muscles. Astrid sprang out and stretched, then shook her head.

"I'll come with you, biker boy," she said sharply.

"Biker Boy? I have a name, you know…" he protested, limping in.

"Are you going inside or not?" she asked him tartly. He groaned and walked in, shaking his head and nodding to the man at the desk. The formica top was peeling and the floor was uneven. The fluorescent strip in the ceiling was flickering, casting a harsh pinkish-white light that highlighted the general grubbiness of the little reception.

"Harrison Hanson. I have a reservation…twin room," he said tiredly. The man looked him up and down, his balding head and stubbly jowls topping a grubby green shirt with the 'Happy Motel' chain logo on.

"Thought yer weren't comin'!" he said as an excuse "So I let yer room…" Hiccup gave a growl.

"But I have paid. In full. In advance!" He fished out the confirmation and waved it furiously under the man's nose. The man peered at it disinterestedly.

"Sorry-I've rented your room!" he said with a yellow grin. Hiccup leaned closer.

"You owe me a room!" he growled, leaning forward and grabbing the man by the shirt. "I have already paid! You have to have somewhere…" Dark eyes flicked up and met blazing emerald and then sweat beaded his brow. His hand snaked down and snagged a key.

"Last one…but it's a double, not a twin."

"I'll take it," Hiccup growled and snatched the key, stalking past Astrid. She stared after him and then at the man at the desk, wiping his face with a filthy rag. The man jerked a thumb after the furious Hiccup.

"He got my last room…rude bastard!" he growled and retreated to his back office, slamming the door pointedly. Astrid sighed, then raced to the car, grabbing her bag before chasing after Hiccup as he limped to the far end of the motel and clambered up to the upper floor, using the key to open the peeling door. He flicked the light on…and sighed.

The room was brown…brown walls, brown carpet, brown cheap furniture, brown drapes…and it smelled vaguely damp. A sagging double bed was laden with rugs and a pair of sagging pillows and the headboard had handcuffs attached to the uprights. A brown corduroy-covered couch sagged against the far wall and the door to the bathroom was ajar. Astrid appeared at his shoulder and wrinkled her nose in disgust at the accommodation on offer.

"Well, this is really worth the effort," she snarked.

"Hey, the car is still available," he retorted. Astrid pushed past him and dumped her suitcase on the bed.

"Nope-this is fine," she said shortly, looking around as he closed the door and slid the chain into place. Her eyes fell onto the handcuffs attached to the headboard. "Hmm…what did the information on this motel say?" He looked suddenly shifty and embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand.

"Didn't look…I just needed something cheap," he admitted and sighed, dropping his rucksack on the couch. "Look…I need to clean up…I'm pretty banged up from the crash. Do you need the bathroom or can I go first?" Astrid looked at him, then shrugged.

"Knock yourself out," she invited him and for a second, his emerald gaze flicked up over an amused grin.

"Nah-I'll leave that to you," he smirked, grabbed his rucksack and vanished into the bathroom. In a few moments, the water started running and she sat unbidden on the couch. This wasn't how she imagined her night…though this was probably better and far safer than sleeping alone in her car beside the road. She scrubbed her face with her hands to keep herself awake until he emerged…because she needed to clarify sleeping arrangements. And she was feeling guilty every time she looked at him limping pathetically in his wrecked leathers. She just hoped he would look less pathetic once he was cleaned up.

She must have dozed because her eyes snapped open with a jerk as the door creaked open and the biker emerged…and her eyes widened in shock as she saw him.

He was tall and lean but dressed in a plain white tee-shirt and a pair of loose grey leggings, it was obvious he was anything but skinny: his arms had well-defined muscles, his shoulders were broader than she had guessed and she could see his legs were well-toned through the leggings. Her eyes lingered for a moment on the multiple band-aids on his elbows and a scrape and several bruises across his neck. He was lightly freckled and his towel-dried hair was darkened and casually messy. His sharp jaw had been shaved and his emerald eyes were shining as he saw her. He smiled as he limped forward, barefoot…and she realised in shock that his left foot wasn't real. Her jaw dropped.

He caught her expression and sighed. "Okay…ask," he invited her, his tone very defensive.

"I-I didn't realise…" she gabbled. He gave a one-shouldered shrug.

"Why should you. I don't exactly walk around wearing a huge placard reading CRIPPLE," he told her sarcastically. She flinched at the term.

"Um, not exactly politically correct," she mumbled. He rolled his eyes.

"Please. It's my lack of leg and I can call it whatever the Helheim I want!"

"But…I mean…you…"

"I think the impact jarred my stump," he told her and limped to the bed, perching on the edge and pulling up his leggings to reveal the cup over his stump. "Skin's intact but it's really painful…"

"Um…how…" she asked quietly. His eyes flicked up and he slowly lowered his pants leg again.

"Accident at work," he murmured. "About three years ago. One of the machines let go in the primary manufacturing facility while I was on duty and another engineer was trapped. He would have been killed. I managed to grab him and haul him free…but my leg got caught and mangled way beyond any repair. They ended up having to amputate. Fortunately, work had me on their insurance so they dealt with all the bills and footed the bill-hah!-for my prosthesis." She looked at him and saw him shrug. "Look, I've come to terms with it because I had to. They funded all my medical bills, my recuperation and rehab and my prostheses. I was given some compensation which I used to get my apartment and my bike…when I had a bike…" Astrid blushed. "And I finished my primary degree and a Masters while I was out of action." She grabbed her bag.

"I-I'll just freshen up," she murmured and almost sprinted for the bathroom. He watched the door slam and sighed, his head dropping as his hands tightened round the knees.

"It's the leg," he murmured. "As soon as they find out, they leave. Gods, it would be nice just for once not to be looked at like some kind of freak…"

Inside the bathroom, Astrid heard his soft words and face-palmed. She had been completely unsure what to say to him so hiding in the bathroom to regain her composure had seemed like the ideal solution…but to him, it must have seemed that she couldn't bear to be near him. And it clearly had been something he had endured more than once in the past. She sagged: she couldn't go out without letting him know that she had been eavesdropping. Somehow, her own problems seemed to pale into insignificance. Tiredly, she began to unbraid her hair and set the shower running.

Hiccup was almost dozing as she emerged, her long golden hair loosely braided and he frowned, wondering if he knew her. She was also in a loose pair of leggings and tee-shirt and she bounced onto the bed and looked at him expectantly. "So what now?" she asked. "How do we work this?" Hiccup sighed.

"You take the bed," he said defeatedly. "I'll sleep on the couch." She looked at him in shock: this was his room, he had fought for it and paid for it and he was pretty banged up by the collision. He definitely needed the bed more than she did. She huffed and grabbed a pillow and a rug off the bed.

"No!" she snapped. "You need the bed more. I'm taking the couch..."

"Astrid..." he began but she was already lying down.

"Get the lights, will you?" she asked, punching her pillow and dragging the rug over her. Sighing, he nodded.

"As you wish," he mumbled, clicking on the bedside lamp then limping to the front door and clicking off the main light. She heard him limp to the bed and the sigh as he sat, expertly taking off his leg and lying back. He reached out and the room was blanketed in almost-darkness, with the few orange rays of light from the outside lights penetrating the room.

Astrid fidgeted and tried to get comfortable, rapidly regretting her generous offer. Harry's breathing had quietened and she assumed he had gone to sleep. Then he shifted position.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked her gently, his slightly nasal voice concerned. She winced: she would be really stiff by morning.

"Fine," she lied. Then she paused. "It doesn't bother me, you know."

"What?"

"Your leg."

"Well that's lucky since it wasn't trying to," he replied sarcastically.

"No...but I heard you. Sorry. It doesn't bother me. I work in fitness rehab with amputees."

"Oh. Sorry. It's usually about the leg. So...why was your day so bad?" he asked her. There was a pause.

"My divorce was final today," she admitted. "I've quit my job and the house has been given up so everything I want is in my car..." She paused.

"So you didn't want to take any furniture-chairs, table, bed...?" he asked.

"Yuk, no," she said. "Unfortunately I found out that our marital bed had been used by considerably more than the two of us! A friend found pictures of my slime of an ex in it with various cheerleaders..." There was a pause.

"Sorry. I know how that feels," 'Harry' commiserated. She cocked an eye at the lumpy shape outlined by a stray ray of orange light.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said with a sigh.

"No, I wasn't married but I was sorta hoping...but it was the leg. She explained in the text...I wasn't whole so she felt..."

"She dumped you _by text?"_ Her voice was outraged. "Odin, that's cold!"

"Yeah, well it fitted into the way I've come to expect relationships to run. You know...meet a nice girl, go on a few dates, want to take things further, find out about the leg as things get a bit...heated and bang! Thanks but no thanks, limpy!" His voice had turned sarcastic.

"Met mine at College. Football player-really thought a lot of himself. I fell head over heels for him. We were inseparable...but when he got scouted to the leagues, he slowly changed. We got married a year after we met and I stuck with him for over three years...until Ruff showed me the pictures. All of them. I sued for divorce just as he bust his knee and lost his money. He managed to stash away his cash and I left with nothing...not even the house we shared."

"You win," he announced dryly. "Can't compete with that for pathos!" She tried to snuggle further down but it was cold.

"Never wanted to win that contest," she admitted.

"So what're you gonna do now?" he asked her gently. She shrugged.

"Go home, I guess," she sighed. "My parents will take me back in...I hope. They weren't too thrilled with the Vegas quickie wedding..."

"I'm sure they'll be overjoyed to have you home..." he assured her, hearing her teeth start to chatter. "Look...there's plenty of room in this bed and if you come here, we can both have the benefit of your blanket."

"Now listen here..." she began angrily and he sighed.

"Astrid, I am covered in a hundred bruises and some nasty scrapes. I can barely move. I _promise_ I will manfully fight off my raging lust for you so we both don't freeze!" There was a pause.

"You promise?" He nodded.

"Cross my heart," he assured her, then heard the creak of the couch and the rustle as the rug was thrown across the bed. With a sigh, she slid in and he felt the soggy mattress dip under her weight. Suddenly he gave a small yelp.

"What?" she snapped.

"Your foot! It's absolutely _freezing!"_

"So is this room!" she retorted, lying as far away from him as she could.

"Not my finest work," he confessed dryly. "I presume they think the tenants will be otherwise occupied in more...vigorous pursuits..." Hiccup craned his head. "Though probably not the one in the handcuffs..." He felt her shiver. "And for Thor's sake, get over here! You're freezing!"

"I-I-I-I'm g-g-good..." she protested, her teeth chattering. He confidently reckoned she was half out of the bed, she was so far over in her zeal to avoid him. With a sigh, he reached across and grabbed her, hauling her close and tucking the blankets over them both.

"I don't bite!" he protested as she punched him in the shoulder. "And OW! Haven't I got enough bruises from you?"

"Keep your hands to yourself..." she snapped...but found she felt warmer snuggled close to him. The heat radiating from his warm shape made her gradually scooch closer until she was almost resting against him. "No ideas, mister!" she warned him as he sighed.

"I really just wanna sleep," he murmured as he felt her curl against him. She kneaded his shoulder automatically and rested her head against him.

"Don't move," she mumbled and her breathing slowed as she fell asleep. Hiccup lay still for a long moment…then his eyes slowly fluttered closed, the warmth of sleep enfolding him. For some very strange reason, he was snuggled in bed in a freezing motel room with a strange woman from his home town who had annihilated his bike and injured him…and he felt…good about it.

"This is the strangest trip I've ever taken," he mumbled as sleep took him.


	4. Come again

**A/N: Wow! Been very grateful for the response to this story! Here are the next group of chapters with the last ones tomorrow (to get them home for the holidays).**

 **Four: Come again**

He must have only been asleep for minutes when something hit the adjacent wall making his eyes snap open in disorientation and alarm. He cast around the dark room, feeling an arm wrapped around him, silky hair brushing his neck and a warm body pressed against him. Sometime during the brief period he had been asleep, Astrid had wrapped herself around him and he felt really awkward…because she looked exactly like his High School crush, the girl who wouldn't even acknowledge he existed…and who was almost certainly back home in Berk with her friends. He had last seen on graduation day and she had probably not even seen him. But it was a bit…awkward…

Something slammed against the wall again…and a load moan echoed through the wall. This was followed by an answering groan, another slam and a feminine voice begging…

He rolled his eyes and tried to shift to press his pillow over his head…but he was completely trapped by Astrid. And she had been exhausted. She needed her rest if she was going to drive them the rest of the way to Berk…

The moans were more urgent and louder and the groans and pleas were more desperate. The bangs grew more frequent as well and he closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep…but he was now wide awake and staring irritably at the ceiling, wrapped in a bad-tempered but beautiful girl, listening to a couple having very noisy and very graphic sex in the next room…

"Thank you for nothing, Thor," he muttered through gritted teeth as the groans and bangs started again…

oOo

Astrid's eyes slowly opened and she gave a small smile as she yawned and stretched. She was lovely and warm, snuggled down under the blankets with a warm…

…stranger?

She pulled away and swatted Hiccup's shoulder: his back was turned to her and he was curled up, his hands clamped over his ears. She gave a huge stretch then cheerily shook his shoulder.

"Wake up, sleepyhead," she said loudly. He groaned.

"Six times…" he mumbled. She shook him again.

"What?" she asked as he rolled back to stare at the ceiling, looking dreadful. He was ashen and there were huge shadows under his bloodshot emerald eyes.

"Six freakin' times!" he growled. "That bastard next door got off SIX TIMES with the loudest woman in the history of Midgard!" Astrid looked puzzled.

"I didn't hear anything," she said in a confused voice. He glared at her, looking wrecked.

"Oh, you wouldn't!" he accused her angrily. "You were wrapped around me like an octopus and dead to the world. Literally. That…harpie…was screaming blue murder for half an hour during time number five and you just drooled on me! I think you could sleep through Ragnarok!"

"But you were asleep…" she protested, getting annoyed.

"I heard Every. Single. Minute…" he growled through his teeth. "The sixth and final time finished…two hours ago, thank Thor. Just. Thanks for waking me up…" She grinned and sat up, pulling the blankets down. He whined and snatched at the rugs, trying to curl up…but she was ruthless…

"C'mon-we need to hit the road!" she told him briskly. He rolled to face her, angry.

"Already done that, _thank you so much for reminding me!"_ he snarked. Then he cringed as he tried to move. "Gods, I am so stiff."

"You'll be fine!" she said cheerily. "I'll go first to the bathroom!" She bounced up and he stared at the ceiling.

"Good…because it will take me that long to get up…" he groaned and painfully tried to pull himself up. In fact, Astrid was emerging from a fast shower, dressed in jeans, socks, a thermal under a blouse and braiding her golden hair as he was still painfully strapping his prosthetic on.

"All yours!" she said brightly. He levered himself up.

"Are you always this cheerful in the morning? he grumped. She cast him an acidic look.

"None of your business-since after today you'll never see me again, Biker Boy!" she shot at him. He stretched with a selection of hisses and cracks and slowly limped to the bathroom, wincing at the bomb site she had left.

"And is there a single dry towel in the place?" he protested.

"I have much longer hair!" she shot back as he looked around to locate the least soaked one then took a swift cold shower-because the hot water had run out. Astrid was looking up and impatient as he emerged, still limping, his hair damp and tousled. He scowled at her as he found a clean tee-shirt to wear under a green shirt and green sweater, a pair of dark brown jeans tucked into his biker boots. His leathers were wrecked but he had grabbed some duct tape and patched the elbows of his jacket. "Are you always this grumpy in the morning?" she added.

"None of your business…though I'm a kitten if I'm allowed to sleep," he growled. "Damn…these cost a fortune…"

"You do keep going on…" she told him. He cast her a sore glance.

"Well, can't exactly wander out in this weather in just my sweater…this is my only coat," he told her.

"You could always jog to keep warm…" she began and then blushed. "Sorry…" He stared at her and sighed.

"Left my running prosthesis at home," he deadpanned. Her azure eyes flicked up.

"You have a running prosthesis?" she echoed. He quirked an eyebrow. "Sorry. I-I just never imagined you were a runner…"

"What, you thought all this Vikingness was a Graeco-Roman wrestler?" he teased her. She grinned at his dry tone.

"Hmm…I guessed MMA," she smirked. He shuddered.

"Thor, no," he said. "I hate being hit. Any sort of non-contact sport is fine…" There was a knock on the door. He sighed, laid his jacket down and walked to unchain the door. It was a guy in the same uniform the man in reception wore the previous night. He sighed and opened the door.

A fist slammed into his face, sending him staggering back a couple of paces and dumping him on his back on the ground.

"What the Hel?" he shouted as the man took a pace forward, his fists bunched.

"That's for threatening Jose last night, you…" Hiccup waved a hand desperately, his other grabbing at his bleeding nose.

"Hey! Hey! He gave away the room I had booked and paid for!" he protested. "I was within my rights to demand he gave me something! He was going to pocket the money and leave me with nowhere to stay!" Astrid stepped forward, her fists bunched, glaring at the man. He stared at Hiccup then back at her.

"Really?" he asked in a surprised voice. They nodded. "That damned Jose-I'll fire his sorry ass so fast he'll have friction burns!" He lowered his fists and stared self-consciously down on the man. "Um…sorry for any inconvenience. Hope you enjoyed your stay. Come again!" And he slammed the door behind him.

"Helheim will freeze over," Hiccup muttered, trying to staunch the bleeding. Finally, he managed and stumbled up. Astrid gave an apologetic smile.

"Is your life always like this?" she asked him curiously. He shook his head carefully, dragging his coat on and grabbing his rucksack.

"No, before I ran into you, my life was filled with months and years of _nothing_ exciting happening," he told her sarcastically. She sighed.

"I really am sorry," she apologised. "Let me buy you breakfast." He paused and then smiled as he checked the room once more and nodded.

"You know…that would be really nice," he admitted as something banged and moans and grunts suddenly began next door. Hiccup rolled his eyes as Astrid stared and began to giggle. It really was _very_ loud. "Will you please SHUT UP!" Hiccup yelled. The sounds stopped but there was a creak as someone got off the bed and the sounds of the chain being unfastened were audible. Hiccup and Astrid stared at each other and ran for it before the man could emerge…

oOo

After a surprisingly pleasant breakfast at a diner ten miles down the road, Hiccup was feeling a little more human. Astrid had been sarcastic over his consumption of four coffees but he was feeling half-dead and the caffeine really perked him up.

"You know caffeine is a poison which affects your cardiovascular system, brain, gut and bladder?" she told him primly, drinking her orange juice.

"And you know I don't care?" he shot back, eating a plate of eggs and toast. "I've been kept up all night by the sexual athlete next door and punched in the face this morning…"

"Can't think why," Astrid shot in sarcastically.

"Ha ha. Love your pleasant and warm demeanour too, especially as the reason why I was there was getting mown down by you!" he retorted. She munched her granola and dried fruit.

"You really are whiny," she noted.

"Am not," he replied childishly. "I didn't want to make this trip and it would have been so easy to turn back but I promised my Mom I would come this year…" She stared at him.

"You don't go back each year?" she asked him incredulously. He took another long sip of his coffee.

"Hel, no," he told her. "I left after graduation and this is my first time back. All I would do there is meet family I can't stand and be told my life choices are irrelevant because my dad wants me to follow him into the family business…"

"So what do you do?" she asked. He sighed.

"Engineer…mainly automotive design," he told her. "My Dad works in local government and wants me to serve there as well…but I would rather claw my eyes out with a fork! All I ever wanted to be was an engineer, to build and create…" She sighed.

"Mine hated I left Berk," she admitted. "But I couldn't wait to get away. It was so…insular. No one ever left…or you got drawn back in…so I left to study out there, meet new people, see new places…forge a new life…" He sighed.

"But you're going back anyway?" he murmured.

"Nowhere else to go," she sighed. He stared at her incredulously.

"You have no ties, you have a very useful qualification…you have everywhere to go!" he told her.

"No, I have Berk to go to," she sighed as they headed back to the car.

They were lost in their thoughts as they sped northwards along the Highway until a couple of hours passed. Suddenly, Hiccup became aware the engine was sounding very rough and he patted Astrid's arm.

"Pull over," he told her sharply.

"Come on…couldn't you wait? I told you all that caffeine…"

"NOW! The car is going to…"

There was a bang, a strong smell of burning and smoke and flames began to pour from the hood…


	5. Train troubles

**Five: Train Troubles**

"Oh Gods," Hiccup shouted as he scrambled from the burning car, dragging his possessions out urgently. Astrid was staring in shock. "GET OUT! ASTRID! NOW!"

"Son of a half-troll!" she spat. "I knew I should never have let Bryan arrange my car's service!"

"You can kill him later," he told her urgently. "The car is on fire!" She blinked, then scrambled out, wrenching the seat forward and wrestling a huge suitcase off the back seat, grabbing her coat and a holdall.

"Get the case from the trunk!" she ordered him.

"What did your last servant die of?" he grumbled…but limped round and dragged another huge case out. "Gods, did you take a few bricks from the house?" he muttered as he hauled it back. Astrid glared at him as the fire took hold and grabbed a plastic wallet and her bag. Then she stood back and stared at the burning blue car.

"Goodbye, Stormfly," she murmured. He stared at her.

"Sorry-you named your car?" he asked incredulously as he dragged her heavy case back from the burning wreck, making sure his meagre possessions were safe.

"Hey-that was the only thing that never let me down," she snapped back.

"Until now," he pointed out. She sighed as the fire really took hold and both backed up another handful of yards.

"My ex said he'd had her serviced," she said. "I guess he lied…" Hiccup frowned.

"Um…it sounded like the engine was grinding metal on metal…" he pointed out. "When did you last top up the oil? Or even check it?" She looked at him.

"Of course, you would take his side," she snapped. Hiccup sighed.

"Astrid, this is an old car and they tend to lose oil gradually," he explained. "Lubricant has to be checked and regularly topped up and…" He stared at her. "And you've never done that, have you?" She glared at him. "Ever?"

"And how would I know how to do that?" she protested. He rolled his eyes.

"Um…basic car maintenance? You know-the sort of stuff they cover in Driver 101?"

"Really?" she asked him. He sighed. "So what do we do now?" she asked him. He stared at her.

"How come I suddenly know all the answers?" he gaped.

"You're Mr Knows-it-all," she retorted.

"Okay-well I know you won't be driving me back to Berk as you promised because you don't know anything about basic car maintenance…" he snarked. She pulled her coat on, dragged her woollen hat on and threw her holdall across her back, slung her bag across her body and grabbed the extendable handles of the two huge suitcases.

"Fine-make your own way home!" she snapped, turning away and beginning to haul the heavy cases along the side of the road. Hiccup stared after her as she stomped away.

"Do you even know where you're going?" he shouted after her.

"BERK!" she snapped back. He opened his phone and thumbed through the MAPS app. He stared for a few moments, then slung his rucksack over his back with the helmet hanging from it, pulled the holdall over a shoulder and began to limp rapidly after her. It didn't take long to catch her as she puffed and grunted dragging the huge cases along.

"Hey, wait up!" he called and she paused-only because her arms were already aching.

"What?" she growled. He sighed.

"There is a rail station four miles _that_ way…and the line takes you to within fifty miles of Berk…" he told her. "There is a train in two hours…and if we hurry we could catch it…"

"It will be full," Astrid groaned. "Nice idea, Harry…but…" He reached out and grabbed the second case: it was on wheels but it weighed a ton and was difficult to drag.

"Look, you're the one who's keen to get home," he told her. "And I may have to emigrate to Antarctica if I fail to show for Dad's birthday. So I'm going that way, Miss I-don't-know-how-to-check-my-oil and I'm offering to help you get to the station." She stared at him. "You may have knocked me down, ruined my bike, used all the towels and nearly burnt me to death but that doesn't mean I should bear a grudge…"

"That's generous of you," she sneered.

"Look-do you want me to walk off and leave you because I am this far off doing that," he told her, holding his thumb and index finger a millimetre apart. "I am trying to be very reasonable, Astrid." She glared at him then sagged.

"FINE!" she huffed. "And…thanks…" Hiccup sighed, rested his holdall on top of the case, tightened his hand around the handle and limped off. He checked his phone.

"This way…"

oOo

Hiccup was convinced that Astrid really had loaded her case with rocks as he felt his arm was about to drop out. Astrid trudged fiercely along a yard ahead of him and was refusing to look in his direction, a scowl locked on her beautiful features as she hauled most of her worldly goods along. The road had gradually risen and he was beginning to doubt himself until a small group of buildings came into view…and the lines of the rail track appeared. He was muttering a prayer of thanks to Thor as they saw the small grey building that was marked as 'Low River Station'.

Both were sweating and exhausted as they entered the building…to find a husky guy sitting on the small bank of seats by the ticket office, a brown squat dog lying by his feet. Hiccup walked to the window and rapped with his knuckles. Eventually, a very elderly woman walked slowly to the window.

"Yes?" Her quavering voice was suspicious.

"Two tickets to Berserk," he said. The old woman narrowed her eyes.

"This train doesn't go to Berserk," she snapped.

"But your timetable says…" Hiccup protested.

"Train don't go to Berserk. He stops at Nightmare's Edge…"

Hiccup rolled his eyes. "Okay, two tickets to there."

"This station doesn't sell tickets to Nightmare's Edge," the old woman told him.

"What?"

"No-you can buy a ticket to Berserk and go there to buy a ticket to catch a train to go back to stop at Nightmare's Edge." The old woman was grinning.

"What?"

"Of course, yer still have to get off the train at Nightmare's Edge even if yer have a ticket to Berserk…" the old woman grinned.

"What? That makes no sense!" Hiccup protested.

"Can't we just get off at Berserk and stay off there?" Astrid asked with forced patience.

"Oh no, you can't do that," the old woman said. "This station doesn't sell tickets to Berserk!"

"Please…sell us two tickets to Berserk and and we PROMISE we'll buy tickets back to Nightmare's Edge," Hiccup pleaded. The old woman glared at him and slammed the window closed.

"Don't believe you!" she called.

"PLEASE!" he begged. "All I want is to get home to Berk for Snoggletog. I'll buy a ticket to wherever you want me to if it gets me closer to home!"

There was a pause and the window raised again.

"Berk? Well, why didn't yer say that?" she cackled. "Young fella over there is headin' yer way! Two tickets to Berserk it is!"

Astrid's card was denied and she blushed beet red, her shoulders slumping. "Bastard Bryan…he must have cleared out the account," she muttered. "When I get my hands on him, I'll axe off his…"

"I'll pay," Hiccup said tiredly, envisaging the ticket office woman changing her mind. The blonde suddenly froze and looked at him in shock as he signed the receipt and handed her the ticket. "There you are, Milady. One ticket to Berserk. Only fifty miles and three letters off Berk," he pointed out and she burst out laughing, unexpectedly throwing a hug around him.

"Thank you!" she said genuinely. "You-you don't know what this means to me…" She was beaming widely and Hiccup thought he saw tears shimmering in her glorious azure eyes.

"I guess I do now," he said gently. She smiled, then punched his shoulder. "OWWW! And that was…why?" She smiled coyly at him.

"For knowing the Berk saying about Berserk and being my hero when I have been horrible to you!" she admitted. Hiccup felt his heart accelerate and found himself smiling slightly goofily back.

"Well, I guess I…" he began.

"ASTRID HOFFERSON?" a voice said, cutting through his tentative attempt at actually trying to make peace with the fiery woman and she snapped round in shock, her braid hitting her cheek.

The speaker was the husky guy in a long camel coat, a grey trilby on his short blond hair, his chubby face lit by a grin and round blue eyes twinkling. Astrid gaped.

"Fishlegs Ingerman? Is that you?" she gasped, walking over towards him. He nodded eagerly, rising to his feet and almost bouncing with excitement.

"I go by 'Philip' now," he admitted. "People outside Berk seem to think Fishlegs is a weird name!" Astrid apprised him thoughtfully, then accepted a light hug.

"Well, it _is_ a weird name," she admitted. "What are you doing here?"

"The same as you, I think-heading home for Snoggletog!" he told her eagerly. "Gods, what have you been doing these last six years? There was an awful stink when you left Berk to go to University down south. The Town Council was almost up in arms!" Astrid managed a wan smile.

"I needed to get away," he admitted…then frowned. "And so have you, I think…" Fishlegs grinned.

"Guilty as charged!" he squeaked in excitement. "I have my own Accountancy Consultancy. I specialise in Financial and Tax planning and some Actuarial work on the side…you?"

"Rehab and fitness," she admitted. "Between jobs…and marriages…" Fishlegs's smile faltered a little.

"Oh…" he managed, then shook himself. "So you'll be glad to get back home to the family?" Astrid sighed.

"Can't wait," she shrugged, suddenly realising she would end up having to explain her woes at least two dozen times to everyone she knew or was related to…and put up with the same awkward, pitying look Fishlegs had just offered. Then she gestured to the dog. "And who's this?"

"Oh Astrid-meet Meatlug. Meatlug, meet Astrid. She's an old friend from school. Isn't she beautiful?" Astrid dropped to a knee by the bulldog, who raised her flattened face and gave a toothy grin, tongue lolling. She gave the dog an affectionate pat.

"She's a cutie," she said with a soft smile and Fishlegs looked proud. Behind them, Hiccup backed up a pace, emerald eyes widening. They had both ignored him and for the moment, that suited him just fine because he was having to process just what had happened. The familiar-looking fiery beautiful girl who looked like his High School crush WAS his High School crush. He had been thrown by her using her married name…and the fact the last person he expected to run into-literally or otherwise- was Astrid Hofferson. The fact that they had shared a bed (innocently) and a room just made him feel more awkward. She had revealed her horrible divorce to him and he had shown her his leg…which he was really self-conscious about but he had still concealed who he was…because he didn't want to risk anyone from Berk recognising him.

But Fishlegs! They had been friends for years until at the start of Junior year, the boy had announced he was joining with the cool gang led by Snotlout and Astrid, leaving Hiccup isolated and friendless. Of course, Hiccup knew he had changed physically since school-he was taller, much more athletic, his hair thicker and a little darker and he was a lot more mature. No one had really looked at him from the time Fishlegs abandoned him and as puberty and his growth spurt finally hit, he had remained concealed in baggy clothes and hoodies. He wasn't surprised that Astrid hadn't recognised him…or Fishlegs…

"Fish…this is Harry Hanson," Astrid announced, bringing him back to the present. The husky guy grinned and offered his hand, his round blue eyes narrowing as he stared at the lanky man facing him.

"Do I know you?" he asked thoughtfully. Hiccup shook his head.

"I doubt it," he murmured. "I must just have one of those faces." He shook Fishlegs's hand firmly.

"Harry was at Berk High," Astrid continued. "He left after school…"

"Took my GED," Hiccup cut in. "I work away. Engineering."

"Oh," Fishlegs said and frowned, then shrugged, checking his watch. "I think the train is due." He tugged on Meatlug's leash and the bulldog clambered to her feet and waddled after her master as he lumbered onto the platform, his neat brown leather case clamped in his hand. Astrid followed and Hiccup brought up the rear, hauling the insanely heavy case behind him. The wind whistled icily down the platform as the train appeared in the distance and slowly approached.

"Oooh, I love this time of year," Fishlegs enthused as the train stopped and the guard jumped down.

"Train's full!" he said. Fishlegs' face dropped.

"Oh dear…" he said. "Can't we stand? We really need to get home…"

"Where are you going to?" the guard asked.

"Um…Nightmare's Edge?" Hiccup suggested, watching the guard closely.

"This train doesn't stop there…" the guard told him shortly.

"But we have tickets to Berserk!" Astrid protested. The guard stared at them.

"Let me guess…Bertha has been messing with you?"

"YES!" they all said as one. He shook his head.

"Look-this train goes to Berserk. You all have tickets to Berserk. There are no seats so you will have to stand in the lobbies by the doors. For the whole trip. Six hours. If you're prepared to do that…then come aboard!"

"Finally," Hiccup sighed and the guard glared at him as he helped Astrid aboard with her copious luggage.

"I don't like your attitude, laddie," the guard said. Hiccup's emerald eyes widened.

"Me?" he protested. "Look, all I want to do is go home for Snoggletog. I bought the ticket the crazy lady in the ticket office told me to and it's _not my fault_ that she's insane and enjoys torturing passengers. I just wanna catch this train. Please!" The guard glared at him.

"Get on board!" he growled and Hiccup sighed, scrambling on board and finding himself squashed in a tiny corner between Fishlegs and Astrid and her luggage.. The guard slammed the door, walking away muttering. The others both glared at him.

"What?" he asked defensively. Astrid scowled at him.

"You really know how to rub people up the wrong way," she told him.

"ME?" he gaped. "I wasn't about to axe off my ex-husband's…assets."

"Well, the manager of the motel punched you in the nose this morning," she pointed out unfairly. "And you've been sarcastic and mean ever since we met…"

"Ahem…ever since you knocked me off my bike, destroyed eighteen months worth of work and almost killed me because you were looking at the radio and not the road!" he retorted.

"You see? You just keep going on about that one minor little bump…You are _so_ whingy…" Astrid accused him. Hiccup stared at her, folded his arms and leaned against the corner he was jammed in.

"Should have chosen hitch-hiking," he muttered. "Thor, I don't deserve this…"


	6. Hitchhiking

**Six: Hitch-hiking.**

Fishlegs could talk. And talk and talk and talk. He felt the insatiable need to share every possible iota of his extremely extensive tax knowledge with his two travelling companions. Hiccup had closed his eyes and rested back against the wall, trying to zone out the droning details of tax minutiae and fight the thumping headache he had developed. He was exhausted, cramped and his stump was really hurting. And they were barely halfway to Berserk...

Astrid was clearly astonishingly bored, though she was more comfortable as she had managed to get up to sit on the top of one of her huge suitcases. She had wedged herself against the wall and was trying to stay awake. Her head nodded and she blinked. Even Meatlug was snoring as Fishlegs happily droned on and on about tax codes.

"You know, had you spoken to me, I could have ensured you had a much better financial situation following your divorce, Astrid," he said superiorly. Astrid's eyes snapped open and her fair brows dipped into a fierce scowl.

"What?" she said icily. Oblivious, the husky man grinned.

"I could have enabled you to make some very prudent financial plans to protect your interests after your marriage dissolved..." Hiccup's eyes snapped open and he tried to make some frantic gestures to the big accountant. Astrid was wide awake now, her azure eyes absolutely frigid with anger.

"My marriage didn't _dissolve_ ," she growled. "It was blasted to bits when my slimebag half-troll gutless bastard husband cheated on me with thirteen cheerleaders, seven female soccer players, a gymnast and the stadium announcer at Visithug!"

Fishlegs gaped and Hiccup cringed: he'd heard Astrid's tone before, usually just before she had punched him when at school or flattened someone who got in her way on the soccer field. As Captain of the school team, she had been a demon midfielder with a reputation for crunching tackles and a volcanic temper.

 _Strange how those things come back to you,_ Hiccup thought. _Why did I want to go out with her again?_ But at that point, Fishlegs proved he didn't remember her reputation-or have an ounce of common sense in his body.

"All the more reason to have made sure you secured your financial future after the divorce..." he protested. In an instant, Astrid was on her feet, jabbing her finger sharply into his chest.

"Look here, _Philip_ ," she snapped, jabbing, "the absolute last thing I need after my heart has been broken and I've lost pretty much everything in the divorce is to have the boringest man alive drone on about taxes for three hours and then have the nerve to tell me how he could have helped out by sorting my damned tax code! The only way you could've helped was if you had gone and bored my ex husband to death and stopped the swine hiding all his money and spending the rest!" Fishlegs looked hurt.

"You thought I was boring?" he asked.

"Deadly..." Astrid growled.

"Harsh, Ast," he protested. "I was only trying to help and you were just mean and cruel..." He turned to Hiccup, who was cringing back. "What do you think, Harry?" Hiccup waved his hands desperately.

"Oh, please leave me out of this!" he protested. "I was trying to doze..."

"There!" Astrid said triumphantly. "You bored him to sleep!"

"Now look here," Fishlegs said in an annoyed voice and jostled Astrid. She shoved him backwards and he tripped backwards over Meatlug, who yelped. One flailing hand caught Hiccup across the face...and the other grabbed the communication cord.

The ensuing screech of braking train and sudden deceleration threw the hapless trio around and into a heap under Astrid's luggage. Hiccup groaned, Astrid cursed and Fishlegs wailed for Meatlug. As they were trying to disentangle themselves from each other, the guard arrived and glared at them.

"I knew you were trouble," he growled. "So who pulled the communication cord?"

All eyes turned to Fishlegs, who waved sheepishly.

"Oh dear..." he said.

oOo

The train disappeared around the bend in the track and vanished from view. The three ejected passengers and dog stared after it for a long moment as they stood by the side of the tracks beside the huge pile of luggage.

"This was all your fault!" Astrid snapped, righting her suitcases. "If you hadn't been so boring, insensitive and generally oblivious, we'd still be on the train!" Fishlegs glared at her.

"Well, excuse me," he said sarcastically, "but I believe we wouldn't be here if your bad temper hadn't made you assault me and cause me to lose my footing!"

"I don't have a bad temper! Support me, Harry!"

"Oh Thor, are you sure? I mean, I might be whining about something like a minor bump that trashed my bike!" he replied. She froze and turned on him.

"You men are all the same!" she hissed. Hiccup stared at her and his eyes widened in shock.

"Look here, Astrid Hofferson," he said sternly. "I find that insulting in the extreme. I shared my motel room with you, didn't call the cops when I should've for your dangerous driving, helped drag your frankly insanely heavy luggage around, got you to this station and bought you the ticket because you are broke! How-how is that being the same as all other men, including your ex-husband?"

"You've been nothing but mean and sarcastic!" she told him angrily. "Everything is my fault!"

"Actually most of it is..." he began but then saw her eyes shimmer with tears. "Philip-a moment, please?" Fishlegs was still glaring but he nodded.

"Meatlug needs a walk anyway," he grumbled as Hiccup walked closer to Astrid. She blinked.

"This is the trip from Helheim," he told her gently. "I saw your face and I guess you aren't any more keen to get back to your kith and kin than I am really..." She wiped tears off her cheeks.

"Thor, does anyone say _kith and kin_ nowadays?" she asked.

"My Dad," Hiccup sighed, gently wiping a tear from her cheek. She blinked and looked up into his kind face. "I'm sorry, Astrid-but I _am_ sarcastic. That's who I am. But I'm especially so when I'm hurting all over and have my most prized possession wrecked through someone's carelessness-that they tried to worm out of responsibility for." She blushed. "I know you're hurt and vulnerable too-but you can't attack everyone for your personal problems."

She gave him a betrayed look, but he gently stroked her damp cheek with the back of his hand.

"Astrid, last night, when we just talking and not trying to score points off each other, you were a really nice girl. And if we hadn't met the way we did and we weren't limping or dragging all your worldly goods halfway across the country, I'd ask you out in a second." She sighed and leaned close to him. His arm gently slid around her and she lifted her head to stare into his mesmerising emerald eyes and gave a wan smile.

"And you know what?" she replied softly. "I would say yes." Emboldened, he pecked a small kiss on her cheek.

"It'll all work out, Astrid," he reassured her. "We will get home for Snoggletog." She blinked and nodded.

"Promise?" she asked softly. He nodded.

"Though Thor knows how," he sighed, then grabbed the super heavy case he seemed to be in charge of and dragged it away from the tracks. "There's a road over there," he suggested. "Maybe we should try hitching..." She nodded and grabbed her case, hold-all and bag.

"I'm ready," she said determinedly. Hiccup grinned.

"And please try not to kill Fishlegs," he said in an amused voice. "I really think he doesn't realise he's so boring and well...oblivious..." She glanced at him and then smiled.

"I make no promises...but I'll try," she murmured as they dragged the heavy cases towards the road.

oOo

"It has to be the dog," Astrid grumbled as about the fortieth car raced by them. "They slow down briefly..and then they see her and they speed up..."

Hiccup gave a brief pause: he was certain most of them slowed down at the very arresting sight of Astrid...but then accelerated away when they realised the beautiful blonde came with a biker, a husky accountant, a British Bulldog and a mountain of luggage. For a start, most cars couldn't hope to fit all of that in, even if they had wanted to.

"You're so mean about Meatlug," Fishlegs protested in a wounded voice, crouching down and tousling the dog's ears. "Don't listen to her, girl: she's just jealous." Astrid opened her mouth to scorch a retort but Hiccup caught her eye and with an effort, she bit back her response.

"Maybe it's me?" Hiccup suggested quickly, to try to keep the peace. "I mean...car driver...biker type...I'm sure you two would do better without me..." There was a pause and both considered it...but Astrid stared at him and shook her head.

"If it wasn't for me, you would already be in Berk with your family," she reminded him. "I'm not leaving you behind. We all go...or no one goes..."

"Oh Thor, you had to say it, didn't you?" Fishlegs accused her. "That means _No One_ goes!"

"And you accused _me_ of being whiny," Hiccup reminded her sarcastically. The girl shrugged.

"Yeah. Wow. Never would have guessed you were way second," she commented cheerfully. Fishlegs gave a hurt look.

"I don't remember you being so mean at school," he muttered.

"Hadn't just got divorced," Astrid commented. "Look, here's another car. I have an idea..."

"What-are you going to hijack the car?" Fishlegs grumbled.

"No-get out of sight! I'll handle this!" she snapped. Hiccup dived behind the nearest bush while Fishlegs just stood back a couple of paces with Meatlug. Astrid rolled her eyes. "Ugh-that dog will certainly scare this one off!" she growled then adopted a smile and stride to the edge of the Highway, sticking out an arm and waving.

Hiccup peered from his vantage point. Astrid was showing quite a lot of leg and he would have slowed down to help even if the Frost Giants had been after him. And it seemed the driver of the orange Mustang had the same thought because he pulled into the side of the road by Astrid, revving the growling engine suggestively. The window slid down and a cocky face leered through.

"Hiya, babe," he grinned. There was a pause and Astrid stiffened.

"SNOTLOUT JORGENSEN?" she exclaimed. Hiccup ducked back, breathing hard. Snotlout was his cousin and premier tormentor during school: there was a real chance he would recognise Hiccup...and Hiccup didn't want to see him anyway. He stilled and listened to the encounter.

"Astrid. Hey babe-this is your lucky day. Snotlout to the rescue!"

"Ugh," she said before catching herself and turned the exclamation into a cough. "I mean, this is a surprise!"

Snotlout leaned out if the window, waggling his dark eyebrows. His blue eyes swept appreciatively over Astrid's lithe form and his leer widened. Consciously, he flexed his muscles, his bare arms rippling. Despite the cold, he was in a sleeveless white shirt and black leather vest, a 'Berk High' cap jammed over his jet hair.

"It must be fate," he said confidently. He never lacked self-assurance and was convinced Astrid was in love with him. In fact, his persistence was one of the reasons Astrid had left Berk. "You and me, the open road, a fast car..." He revved the car again and the engine roared. It sounded to Hiccup's expert ear like the exhaust had been modified to make the engine sound rougher.

"I could do with a ride," she admitted. Snotlout grinned.

"Both our lucky days," he oozed. "We can find a nice motel, spent a little time catching up..."

"Snotlout, I have a couple of friends and we really need a ride back to Berk..." Astrid said through her teeth. Snotlout pulled a face, his big hand grasping hers as he leaned close.

"Awww...they'll cramp my style..." he protested. "Ditch the losers, babe, and give yourself over to the Snotman love guru!"

Hiccup heard her voice hitch in a mixture of anger and upset...and his chest welled with anger as he heard the dismissal of Fishlegs and himself and persistent flirting with Astrid. He glanced at the car: an orange Mustang with flames along the side, a dragon's head painted on the hood, widened air inlets and customised chrome exhaust. It was clear his cousin hadn't grown up at all in the last six years.

"Son of a rancid half-troll! If you think I want to even consider anything with you that may involve a love guru, then you are even stupider than you look!" Astrid's voice rang out loudly. "And another thing: this is supposed to be a season of goodwill and neighbourliness and for you to suggest leaving two guys in the middle of nowhere while you kidnap me just shows what an utter slimebag you are!"

"Hey, babe-I don't see them driving you back to Berk?" he sneered. "I just see a loser with a load of bags and two strangers hiking like trash...and you ain't getting any younger!"

Hiccup glanced at the car: Snotlout and Astrid were squaring off so Hiccup ducked down and ran to the back of the car, heading the the gas tank and reaching into his pocket. He gave a small smile...

Snotlout grabbed Astrid and pressed a very sloppy kiss on her mouth. Her eyes widened and she squeaked and tried to wrestle free, finally breaking his hold. She staggered back, wiping her mouth with her hand.

"Okay, babe-now will you see sense? Hop in and I'll show you the time of your life!" he leered. Astrid glared.

"I'd rather freeze to death!" she snapped and punched him in the face. Fishlegs and Hiccup raced forward but Snotlout wiped his bleeding mouth and glared.

"Enjoy freezing then!" he sneered, dropped his foot and roared away.

"Asshole!" Astrid screamed after him, throwing a one-fingered salute. Fishlegs walked forward with a slobbery Meatlug. The dog sneezed.

"Wow, I agree," he muttered to her. "He couldn't be more of an asshole!" Astrid stomped back towards him as Hiccup smiled.

"What're you grinning at, Biker Boy?" she snapped. He lifted his left hand, showing a sheath of empty packets of sugar.

"I doubt he'll be going far," he commented. Astrid stared at him. "Not with these in his gas tank..."

"You sabotaged his car?" she demanded and he grinned.

"Only after he turned us down and upset you," he admitted. She punched him in the shoulder.

"Owww!" he protested. "What was that for?"

"Hiding!"

"But you told us to hide!"

"I know!" she said and lunged forward, kissing him on the cheek. "And that's for everything else!"

He blushed and blinked. "Um...wow," he mumbled. Fishlegs sighed.

"At this rate, we won't even be home for NEXT Snoggletog!" he grumbled. Astrid gave a smug smile as Hiccup grabbed one of her cases and the little trio began their weary trudge north.

"Shut up and walk," she said.


	7. Twin traumas

**Seven: Twin traumas**

An hour later, three footsore travellers limped into a very run down diner, almost collapsing into a corner booth and dumping various items of luggage beside them.

"My feet are dropping off!" Astrid protested and then her eyes widened, realising what she'd said. She looked apologetically at Hiccup but the auburn-haired man was too exhausted to notice.

"I'm 50% ahead of you," he sighed, rubbing his left knee. His stump was really painful. A blonde waitress ambled up to the table.

"You want any drinks?" she asked.

"Cola," Astrid said and Fishlegs nodded as well.

"Triple coffee," Hiccup sighed. The woman winched up an eyebrow.

"You sure, honey? Our coffee is pretty strong!"

"And I'm more tired," he admitted. "Um-what's on the menu?"

"House burger, fries, slaw," the waitress said amiably. She looked very familiar with her long braids and grey eyes. Astrid frowned.

"Ruffnut Thornton?" she asked. The girl scribbled on her pad.

"Nope, don't stock any of those, just the house burger and..." Then she stopped and stared as her brain caught up with her ears. "Astrid?"

"Ruff!" Astrid said and leapt to her feet, hugging the girl firmly. Fishlegs grinned.

"Remember me?" he asked and Ruff grinned happily.

"Fishlegs!"

"Philip now," he said self-consciously. "Can't really have a Financial and Tax Adviser called Fishlegs..."

"Well, you can but no one outside Berk would take you seriously..." Astrid noted. Then she frowned. "What're you doing here anyway?" Ruff rolled her eyes.

"Hmm, long story," she admitted. Astrid sat down and Ruff scooched alongside her.

"Tuff and I are truck drivers," she admitted and Astrid grinned.

"So you really did it!" she laughed. Ruff nodded. "Thorston Thunder Trucking!"

"Yeah...but that damned Dagur and his friends sabotaged us and Tuff and I are working here to try to persuade the owner to get his mechanic son to mend B&B." Fishlegs frowned.

"B&B?" he asked.

"Our truck-Barf'n'Belch," the female twin explained. "Named after us two..." She paused. "Hey what're you doing here anyway, Ast?" There was a pause and Astrid sighed.

"Also a long story but Harry, Fish and I are heading back to Berk and we ended up thrown off the train when Fish pulled the communication cord..."

"Hey!"

"Harry?" Ruff's voice was interested and her eyes drifted to Hiccup, who was sitting back in his seat, his eyes closed against the fierce headache he still had. "Ohhh...me likey! You've found one hot little Biker there, Astrid..."

"Hands off! I saw him first!" Astrid said fiercely and Hiccup's eyes snapped open.

 _What was that? Astrid getting possessive over him? Oh Thor, if she ever found out who he really was, he was so extremely dead..._

"Anyway, I ran into Harry's bike and..." Astrid paused. "Harry is a mechanic! He can fix your truck...if you promise to take us back to Berk in payment!" Hiccup sat up straighter and stared...but knew he couldn't protest. Astrid knew he had rebuilt his Night Fury all by himself and he was an engineer...

 _...not even counting all those years he had worked for Gobber, his Dad's lifelong friend, in his garage..._

"Can you, Harry?" Ruff asked, her cool gaze flicking over the lean young man, noting the bruise on his face from the punch he received from the Motel manager. "Hey-do I know you? You look pretty familiar..."

"Just got one of those faces," he mumbled. Astrid stared at him.

"Can you?" she asked. Hiccup frowned. "Mend the truck?" He sighed and nodded.

"I can have a look," he offered. "But it depends what's wrong with it..."

"Dagur sabotaged it," Ruff growled. "We just made it here...but if we had been going round the mountain roads in Berk..."

"Dagur?" Astrid asked in a perplexed voice.

"Dagur Oswaldson, son of the Boss of Berserk. He runs Berserker Haulage and tries to run any competitor out of business," Ruff explained. "He and his men play dirty..."

"So why are you and Tuff on his radar?" Fishlegs asked her thoughtfully.

"Tuff may have called him a mutton-head," Ruff admitted. "And we did sort of steal one of his contracts for hauling Berk timber...so he kind of came after us..."

"And when B&B is running again, we're going after him..." Tuff announced, arriving. The male twin was the match of his sister in height and body shape-lean and angular, though his long blond hair was in dreadlocks. Both wore greyish pants and boots, cream shirts and khaki vests.

"Only if you drop us in Berk, first," Astrid said determinedly. "We've been travelling for days...please, Ruff. It's the price for fixing the truck: all three of us, Meatlug and my luggage are taken back to Berk." The twins traded looks and nodded.

So Hiccup found himself out in the freezing cold- _without_ a house burger, fries, slaw or a triple coffee-and wrestled with the engine of the twins' white and green truck, repairing what he could, fixing unfastened or severed lines, refilling oil, repairing brakes and finally tightening the steering. Eventually, exhausted, grimy and frozen, he limped back into the diner.

"Done?" Tuff asked with a grin, then frowned. "Hey man-have I seen you before?"

"J-j-just got o-one of th-th-those faces..." Hiccup managed, his teeth chattering.

"Okay...let's get you loaded up..." Ruff began but Hiccup stopped and pointedly plonked himself on a seat, folding his arms..

"No," he said. "Not until I get my Odin-damned burger, fries, slaw and a QUADRUPLE coffee!" Astrid glanced up at him, opening her mouth to argue when she recalled he hadn't eaten, he had barely slept and he was the only one who had been out in the cold, working while the four friends had been catching up in the nice warm diner. She looked at Ruff and the girl hastily wrapped a takeout and handed over a flask of coffee.

"You can eat on the road, Biker Boy..."

"I still have a name..." he protested.

"...because we oughtta move..." Ruff continued. Astrid frowned and looked suspiciously at the female twin.

"Ruff...why?" she demanded. Ruff got to her feet.

"Because the owner of the diner didn't actually give us permission to open up, serve customers and take food without paying..." she said heading rapidly for the door. A large SUV was pulling up and the driver -and his two passengers-looked mad. Fishlegs grabbed Meatlug and his bag, Astrid and Tuffnut grabbed her bags and Hiccup shoved his burger in his bag, flung his holdall over his shoulder and ran after them, taking care not to spill his coffee. Tuff was already starting up the truck as the others scrambled in. The twins' cabin had a sleeping space that got rapidly filled with Astrid's luggage, Meatlug, Fishlegs, Astrid and Hiccup. Ruff grinned and waved at the irate diner owner as she leapt up into the passenger seat and the truck pulled away with a hiss of brakes releasing.

Astrid winced at the cursing she could hear through the window. "He really isn't happy," she commented as a shot whistled past the cabin.

"They're firing at us?" Hiccup asked, incredulously. "What the Hel did you two do?" Ruff turned to stare at him. "Hey! I was fixing this truck-I missed out on everything..."

"Um...may not have asked him at all if we could use his diner," Tuff mumbled. "But we stop here so often we guessed he wouldn't mind!"

Another shot zinged past the windshield.

"Believe me-he minds!" Hiccup yelled. "GO!" Tuff shifted gear and the truck accelerated forward. Astrid stared at the twins who were grinning and especially at Ruff, who was fumbling in the glove box for a brown paper bag.

"Ruff...what have you got in there?" she asked suspiciously. The twins had been friends in school but they had always been wild...and revelled in destruction. Ruff grinned.

"Just some highly illegal fireworks..." she grinned. "Thorston specials..."

"Oh Gods," Fishlegs groaned. "Are these the same Thorston specials that almost blew up the Town Hall in Senior Year?"

 _That was the twins?_ Hiccup thought. _Hey-I was blamed for that!_ He took a long chug of his coffee and chomped urgently into his burger. If this whole ride was going to go horribly wrong, he wanted it to happen on a full stomach. Ruff lit a Thorston Special and leaned out of the window...then lobbed the explosive backwards. There was a thud that shook the whole cabin and the truck lurched. From his vantage point, Hiccup saw an explosion in the mirror and their pursuers swerved.

Another shot zinged past the wing mirror.

"Hit him with another one, sis!" Tuff urged and his twin eagerly lit and launched another. A much louder bang shuddered through the truck and a large fireball rose from the road. The pursuing truck swerved into a bush. The twins whooped and leapt up, arms in the air.

"AARGH! Hands on the wheel!" Hiccup shouted. The twins turned to look at him.

"Hey..." Tuff protested. "There's nothing wrong with..."

The truck drifted off the right and the whole cabin shuddered. Tuff grabbed at the wheel and jerked the truck back onto the carriageway. Hiccup glared at him and drained his coffee. Astrid elbowed him.

"He's a nervous passenger," she apologised. He glared at her and tried to get comfortable against the side of the cabin. "Um...probably since I crashed into his motor bike..." Ruff, Tuff and Fishlegs all turned to stare at them. The truck drifted off the road again.

"TUFF!" Fishlegs screamed. The truck once again jerked onto the highway and even Astrid was scowling now. Tuff tutted.

"Hey-blame him! He was supposed to mend the truck!" he protested. Hiccup closed his eyes, his head still pounding.

"Tuff-your truck doesn't have cruise control...and even if it did, you still have to hold the damned wheel!" he sighed. "Please don't crash us while I try to get some rest..." And he leaned against the side of the cabin, curled up and fell asleep.

His eyes snapped open as the truck jerked to a halt and Astrid shook him urgently.

"We have a problem," she hissed as he jerked upright, blinking tiredly.

"What?" he mumbled. She pointed to the side of the road...where an orange Mustang was parked with the hood up. He recognised the flames on the side of the car and the dragon's head painted on the hood...and the stocky, powerful shape in the black leather vest, sleeveless shirt and Berk-High cap. "Please tell me they're not..."

"SNOTMAN! DUDE!" Tuffnut called.

"Yup. That happened," Astrid said in a furious voice. "Ruff-a word?"

"In a moment, Ast-looks like the Snotman needs our help..." the female twin said cheerfully.

"Ruff-a word NOW...!" Astrid growled. "You cannot be serious about..."

"OF COURSE WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT HOME!" Tuff shouted cheerfully.

Both Hiccup and Astrid face-palmed at the same time as Ruff chuckled at their discomfort. "Ast-you can catch up with Snotlout on the way home to..." she began.

"Been there, done that, punched the lecherous swine in the face!" she snapped. Ruff's face fell.

"Oh, AWKWARD..." she noted. "Well, we'll just have to fit him in because..."

"YOU!" Snotlout said and scowled at the other passengers in the cabin. "I'm not travelling with HER and whoever that scrawny…whatever…is…" He cast Hiccup a disparaging glare and jabbed a finger at Astrid. "She'll have to go!" Hiccup rose to his feet and glared back at Snotlout.

"The agreement was that I mended the truck and you take us to Berk," he snapped. "So if you throw us off, I'll render your truck undrivable again. Fair?"

There was a pause and Snotlout stared at him.

"Have I met you before?" he asked suspiciously.

"No, I just have one of those faces, Snotman or whatever your stupid name is," Hiccup retorted angrily. "You insulted and upset Astrid and if you want to start setting conditions, you can damned well walk back to Berk!" The twins stared at him in shock. " _What?_ " Tuff raised his hands in surrender.

"Nothing, my man," he said in a vaguely admiring voice. "That was...um...very masterful."

"Awesome," Ruff agreed.

"Look-can Astrid sit with you, Ruff?" Hiccup asked. "Then Snotface can sit back with Philip and me."

"And Meatlug-you're always forgetting her," Fishlegs protested.

"No one's forgetting Meatlug but she sleeps in your lap, Fish," Astrid pointed out. Snotlout stared at the tall, auburn haired man for a moment and nodded.

"I'll get my gear from Hookfang," he sighed as Hiccup stared after him.

"What is it about you people and stupid names for your vehicles?" he asked before everyone stared at him.

"We're from Berk," came the reply from Tuff. "What else do you expect?"

oOo

Hiccup had tried to get back to sleep but Fishlegs had moved into the middle to keep Snotlout away from him and Meatlug keep licking the auburn-haired man's elbow. After a while, Hiccup wiped off his saliva-soaked arm and sighed. "I'll bet that doesn't come out," he guessed.

Snotlout was spending the time boasting about how awesome he was, how successful he was in helping to run Jorgensen Lumber and of course, what a hit he was with 'the ladies'. Fishlegs was answering politely but Hiccup just kept his eyes closed, trying to ignore the grating voice, the fact he was totally cramped and one of Astrid's cases was jammed against his back. He could hear Astrid talking in a low voice to Ruff, explaining the details of her unfortunate marriage and how little she had left. And how Snotlout really hit on her when they met on the road.

Ruff turned and glared at the stocky man just as he was boasting about how he had kissed Astrid when they met. Astrid stiffened and Hiccup could see she was really upset. Her reflection in the windshield didn't show the fierce Valkyrie he had traveled with: she looked sad and almost...broken. Stomach knotting with dismay, Hiccup knew he wanted to see her smile once more. But as she caught his concerned expression, she gave him a small smile and he felt his stomach flip. She turned round and looked directly at him, her azure eyes warming with gratitude for his concern.

"Thank you," she murmured, a hand trailing against his for the briefest of seconds. Then the truck jolted and the Hiccup's eyes widened. They had just passed a sign that had his heart sinking to his boots.

"Tuff-why are we just entering Berserk when you agreed to head to Berk?" he asked directly. Astrid snapped round and glared at Ruff who grinned.

"We will take you to Berk...once we've done what we planned to do," he said without contrition.

"And we're only fifty miles and a couple of letters from Berk anyway..." Ruff added.

"Yeah...and now we've got our crew from back in School," Tuff continued.

"For what?" Fishlegs asked worriedly. The twins grinned.

"You're helping us get revenge on Dagur!" they said.


	8. Three letters and fifty miles from home

**8: Three letters and fifty miles from home**

Night was falling as the green and white truck glided through the unfamiliar streets of Berserk. The twins drove on without a care in the world while Hiccup and Astrid shared a worried look: the last thing they wanted was getting involved in a vendetta between the twins-who were crazy-and Dagur, who sounded very dangerous. Hiccup felt a definite surge of alarm because he knew a little more about Mayor Oswald and his son from his father...and he knew they were a very unforgiving pair of opponents.

As the truck sped round a corner, the passengers stared up at a huge billboard showing the massive figure of a man with a neat goatee and short greying carrot hair, his pale green eyes kindly...while at his side was a very buff man in his mid twenties, with the similar pale green eyes and cropped carrot hair. The younger man had three claw marks tattooed over his left eye and cheek in woad blue. The banner headline read "MAYOR OSWALD-STABILITY AND PROSPERITY FOR BERSERK".

"That makes me feel...bleurgh..." Astrid commented. There were other billboards now they looked, all showing Oswald's picture and bearing similar slogans.

"Classic cult of personality," Fishlegs announced. "Used most commonly in fascist and communist dictatorships..."

"Say what?" Snotlout exclaimed, his eyes bugging out.

"Oswald has been Mayor of Berserk for over thirty years," Hiccup murmured. "No one ever stands against him...well, a guy named Knut did about twenty years ago...but he vanished and all they found was his big toe..." Everyone stared at him. "Dad works in local government, remember?"

"So his son is in charge of the trucking company you want to get back at...in the town where his Dad is basically Odin Allfather..." Snotlout mused aloud. "I'm out..."

"Okay-we'll pull over and you can get out and ask if anyone else will take you to Berk," Astrid snapped. Snotlout paled.

"You can't do that!" he protested. "Tuff!"

"I have to agree with Astrid," the male twin said seriously. "This is a whole-gang mission..."

"So what about _him?_ " Snotlout protested, pointing at Hiccup.

"Hey-he knew about the big toe! He's in!" Ruff exclaimed. "And he is hot hot _hot_!"

Snotlout's scowl make Hiccup groan audibly.

" _Mine_ ," Astrid growled. "Ruff-we talked about this, remember?"

"But he looks so good in leather..."

 _And the weirdness continues,_ Hiccup sighed. Aloud he said: "Guys, you're not going to put Dagur out of business by driving to his lot and unhooking a couple of brake cables..." There was a stiff pause and the twins both looked at him.

"You're joking!" Tuff snapped.

"How did you know our super-secret masterplan anyway?" Ruff said suspiciously "Did Miss Flappy-Mouth tell you?"

"What?"

"Ruff...you are about to die if you call me Miss Flappy-Mouth!" Astrid growled.

"LOOK AT THE ROAD!" Fishlegs squeaked. Tuff grabbed the wheel and wrenched the truck away from the wall it was heading for. Reluctantly, they pulled over and the twins sighed.

"So what're we going to do?" Ruff asked. "We Thorston-swore that we would make him pay for trying to kill us..." Hiccup paused and his eyes narrowed.

"So he undercuts other competitors and runs opposition out of business?" he asked. Tuff sighed and nodded.

"We only got the Berk Lumber contract because of the Snotdude," he admitted. "And almost every trucking company across the Archipelago is ruined by Dagur..." The auburn-haired man frowned, his fingers tapping unconsciously on his left knee. His emerald gaze flicked to the husky man by his side.

"Philip...I think you and I should take Meatlug for a walk," he suggested. The accountant whimpered.

"I don't think she needs much exercise now..." he protested.

"She looks full of beans to me," Hiccup said firmly, staring at the sleeping bulldog. "Meanwhile, I think Astrid and Ruff can go and have a chat to some locals...to see how much security Dagur has around his lot." Astrid and the female twin nodded and clambered down as Hiccup forced Fishlegs to exit the truck. Grumbling, the husky man fastened his coat as Hiccup zipped up his Biker jacket and checked his phone for the location of Berserker Haulage. Then he set determinedly off down the street, Fishlegs muttering darkly behind him. He could see the brilliantly lit lot with the fences high and topped by ferocious razor wire. A dozen trucks were all lined up, painted in the black and red livery of the company.

"That looks very well protected," Fishlegs noted, watching Meatlug urinate on one of the fences. Immediately, a buff guy with a mean face and tattoos all over his very muscular arms ran forward.

"Hey-get that stupid mutt off Mr Oswaldson's property!" he snarled. Fishlegs's brows dipped in a frown.

"She's not doing any harm!" he said more strongly. The man leered, revealing gold-capped teeth.

"She is if I say she is," he sneered. "And if she is, I'll break something..." Hiccup stared at him and gently pulled the big man away. They walked slowly down the sidewalk, thinking.

"Okay, I agree. He needs to be stopped," Fishlegs said in a low voice. "He employs some really mean men." Hiccup cast a glance at the compound.

"Men like that are greedy and cruel," he murmured. "They think they have everything under their control...so they get careless. Sabotaging a couple of sets of brakes won't stop him...it's gonna take something more serious to take him down..."

"Maybe we should just let the twins blow up as much as they want," Fishlegs suggested.

"Or we should try something that doesn't involve blowing anything up," Hiccup replied, his eyes narrowed. "Philip...I want you to look into their accounts. If there is something we can do to put them out of business...it would probably help everyone..."

"Me? How?" Hiccup clapped him on the shoulder.

"An accountant will see what others cannot," he said cheerfully. "I think you..."

The buzzing of a badly tuned bike suddenly closed on them and Hiccup shoved Fishlegs aside as a black-haired teen zipped by on a small motorcycle. The boy skidded to a halt by them and waved a fist.

"Watch where you're going...!" he shouted, ignoring the fact he was driving along the sidewalk. He was a bit scruffy and had a rather sad hand-me-down helmet, his grey eyes challenging. But Hiccup just grinned.

"You're misfiring," he said, walking forward. "Mind if I...?" The boy stared, taking in the tall shape in a biker jacket. He kicked down the stand and turned the engine off. He shrugged. "What's your name, kid?"

"Gustav Larson," the boy said body. "And you?" Hiccup grinned and crouched down, peering at the engine

"Harry Hanson," he said cheerfully. "Hmm...let me see..."

"You're not from round here," Gustav commented. "Everyone knows not to mess with Dagur's goons..."

"Really?" Hiccup murmured, fiddling dextrously.

"Yeah. They catch you on their lot and they'll beat you to a pulp...happens to some poor sap every month or so just to remind people not to mess with him..." the teen continued. Hiccup nodded.

"Sounds pretty effective," he muttered. "Is he rich?" Gustav gave a shocked laugh.

"Only owns half of Berserk...drives a huge flash car or three...dresses in really sharp suits...throws hundred dollar bills around like confetti..."

"So rich and cruel...perfect," Fishlegs muttered and Hiccup gave a small smile. "I doubt he's honest." Hiccup gave a final tweak and straightened up.

"Try that," he invited and the boy turned the key...then grinned at the much smoother purr. The teen gave him a grin.

"Thanks..." he said, his face lighting with gratitude. "For outsiders, you're okay!" Then he revved the bike and zipped along the street, skidding round and racing back. Hiccup waved as he shot past and then then turned to Fishlegs.

"Come on," he said, "I have a plan."

oOo

"So you want us NOT to blow anything up?"

"Yes, Tuff...I need you, Ruff, Astrid and Snotlout to distract the goons on the perimeter while Philip and I search the office," Hiccup said. Astrid frowned: she could tell he was up to something. She and Ruff had confirmed Dagur always had four men patrolling the lot and they were very free with their fists.

"But blowing several trucks up would be really distracting!" Ruff argued, her face creased in incomprehension. Hiccup face-palmed.

"We need...a stealthy distraction..." Hiccup suggested, thinking hard. "Just enough to get the goons away from the office so we can get in without being seen but not enough to get Dagur or more men rushing in...Do you think you can do that?"

"And you will stop Dagur if we do?" Astrid asked, eyeing the auburn-haired man carefully. He gave her a small, knowing smile.

"I guarantee it," he said.

"Then we'll do it!" Tuff said, "though I'd be happier if would just blow a small something up..."

"NO BLOWING ANYTHING UP!" Hiccup growled.

"Ast-you didn't say he was a dictator!" Ruff accused her. Astrid gave a small smile.

"He's not...he's just a little...grumpy," she explained. "He just wants to get home for Snoggletog...we both do...and this isn't helping..."

"Well, babe...looks like you're with me!" Snotlout said smoothly, sliding an arm around her shoulders. Astrid stiffened.

"Snotlout-do you need two arms? Because if so, remove it NOW or I will break it off...!" she growled.

"And you're with me, Philip!" Hiccup said, once they had put Meatlug safely back in Barf'n'Belch. He watched Snotlout follow Astrid, rubbing his wrist and the twins head round the fence the other way, still squabbling between themselves..

 _They really haven't changed,_ he thought, watching them. _Have I changed so much that none of them recognise me?_

He saw the goons head off the intercept the teams and grabbed Fishlegs's arm and dragged him straight into the office, slamming the door and casting around urgently. The main public reception had nothing of value so they wandered through a small telephone office where it looked like admin staff booked jobs. And then they went into the main back office...the place where the whole organisation was run from...and both men stopped as they faced a whole metal bookcase of ledgers...though interestingly, they were lined up in pairs, two for each year. A whole box file of invoices was open and strewn across the desk. One of the current year's ledgers was open by the pile of invoices.

Hiccup checked that no one was around and beckoned Fishlegs closer, pointing to the invoices and ledgers.

"Think you can make anything of these, Philip?" he asked the accountant. The husky man pushed his trilby back and settled into the seat, fishing out a second ledger bearing the same year. The man's face locked in concentration and his blue gaze flicked from page to page, a finger lightly running down columns of figures...then he shook his head and tutted.

"Oh dear, this really doesn't make any sense," he murmured. Hiccup glanced around and his suspicious mind guessed that this and the other pairs of ledgers were presumably the real ones and the 'official' ones for visiting accountants and tax inspectors. As Fishlegs worked, mumbling and occasional humming, he peered around, flicking through invoices for new trucks that seemed to be paid for completely by the local council, not Berserker Haulage and frowned. Absently, he glanced into the main office and his green gaze picked out a cooling cup of coffee that he had missed on the way in: with a jolt, he realised that there was still someone here.

"Can you hurry up?" he hissed. Fishlegs glanced up.

"I can...but you may want me to finish this," he said. "I can ensure they have a very unhappy New Year." Hiccup frowned and limped closer.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "I mean, I was hoping you would find something..." Fishlegs smiled smugly.

"Massive tax fraud and evasion,"he revealed. "I just need a couple more years' worth of taxes to build the case..." Hiccup grabbed the most recent two years worth of dual folders and the invoices for the trucks and handed them over.

"There you are," he said urgently. "Look-there's someone here...and he really won't like us being here..." Fishlegs looked up.

"But I mean we're only..."

"Trying to get their bosses jailed," Hiccup hissed. "You know...these are the same people who sabotaged the twins' truck...and Mayor Oswald is pretty much a gang boss here...if you want to leave with the same number of legs you arrived with, I suggest we leave NOW!" Fishlegs started and jumped up, grabbing the ledgers, then seeing a stationery box and packing the ledgers in, scribbling a letter on a piece of blank paper then sliding it in as well and before he taped the box shut.

"We need to get this to the tax office," he said and Hiccup nodded...then grabbed his arm.

"Not here, though," he murmured as they sneaked out of the last room and into the lot. "They would be reluctant to act against the Mayor's son..."

"Especially as the ledgers implicate the Mayor as well," Fishlegs put in.

"So the evidence would probably get lost..." Hiccup murmured, walking quickly across to the fence. "But the Visithug office would love to help convict the Berserk Mayor. They hate Berserk..."

"Everyone hates Berserk..." Fishlegs agreed. "But how are we going to get this to the office before it closes for the holidays...?" The two men paused and then looked at each other.

"GUSTAV!"

Hiccup grabbed the box and raced out onto the street to find-as they had hoped-the young black-haired teen driving up and down on his now much smoother-sounding motorbike. Hiccup waved him down.

"Hiya, Harry!" the boy greeted him. Hiccup grinned.

"How d'you fancy a new career? Motorcycle courier?" he suggested. The boy considered.

"What would that involve?" he asked and Hiccup gestured.

"Riding your bike all day, delivering packages..." he suggested and the boy's grey eyes shone with excitement.

"Hel, I'm in!" he said eagerly.

"And we have a first job for you," Hiccup said cheerfully, handing the box to the boy. "This needs to get to the Visithug Tax Office before it closes in forty-five minutes..." Gustav pulled his helmet on and nodded.

"No sweat," he enthused as he strapped the box to his bike.

"And they need to phone me to confirm the box has been received," Fishlegs said, scribbling his cell number on the box.

"How much will I earn?" Gustav asked. Hiccup gulped.

"Um...fifty bucks..." he began, "but there an extra hundred when we get confirmation the box has been received by Philip here..." The boy gave a huge grin.

"Done!" he shouted, revved the bike and shot off down the street. Fishlegs shook his head.

"He really needs some financial advice," he sighed. "He's gone off without the money!" Hiccup clapped him on the shoulder.

"I'm sure you can do that when you hand the cash over," he said, pulling out his wallet and handing over most of the rest of his money. "That should cover it." Fishlegs stared at him.

"Why have you paid?" he asked. "It should be the twins..." Hiccup shrugged his shoulders wearily.

"Look-all I want is to get home...and if we have sorted Dagur and his people out, then it's done and without any destruction or..."

An explosion sounded and then another. The two men shared a horrified look and snapped round to see a second truck explode. Both could see the shapes of the twins running away, whooping and cackling.

"And then that happened," Hiccup sighed. Fishlegs made to come with him but he pointed to Barf'n'Belch. "Get in the truck and stay out of this, Phil. We need you to pay Gustav and confirm the IRS have those ledgers. When we get confirmation, we know we've beaten Dagur..." The husky man nodded, his face relieved: he really wasn't designed for all this excitement. "And look after my stuff and Astrid's-okay?" Fishlegs scuttled off and Hiccup sprinted as best he could to intercept the twins...who were being chased by a trio of Dagur's men. Astrid and Snotlout were much closer and the auburn-haired man saw more men jump them. Snotlout yelled and punched a man while Astrid threw another and whacked a second over the head with tyre iron. He winced. Especially as Astrid was grabbed by a man with a mean face and a thin moustache.

Without thinking, Hiccup launched in, wrenching her free and slamming his cocked fist straight into the man's face.

"RUN!" he shouted. The twins and Snotlout didn't need telling twice as they legged it back to the truck and Astrid glanced at him but he nodded, turning to run after her...and then a man tackled him high. He rolled, kicked up with his prosthetic leg and caught his attacker somewhere really personal. The man's eyes crossed and he folded. Hiccup rolled away, scrambled to his feet and managed about three more steps after his travelling companions before he was tackled again...and this time, four men piled on top of him, pinning him helpless.

"Gotcha!" a horribly familiar voice said and a very buff, menacing-looking man in a sharp suit arrived, his carrot-coloured hair cropped short and pale green eyes feral. The three claw-marks tattooed over his left eye and cheek stretched as he leered at the pinioned Hiccup. "What have we here?"

"This wretched little slime has broken into the compound and blown up two of your trucks, Mister Oswaldson sir," the moustached man said, his nose still bleeding.

"Really, Savage? Are you sure your idiot mechanics just didn't mess up again?" Dagur sneered, his eyes swivelling back to Hiccup, who was being unceremoniously hauled to his feet. "Hmm...do I know you?"

"Just got one of those faces," Hiccup mumbled, his lip split from where one of the men had 'accidentally' elbowed him in the mouth.

"He doesn't look like he's up to any sort of carnage..." Dagur mused as the sounds of a truck revving echoed and everyone watched Barf'n'Belch accelerate away, the twins flipping a beautifully coordinated finger at the seething Dagur.

"But he was with them!" Savage protested, seeing Snotlout and Astrid gesturing through the windows as well. Hiccup's heart sank as he saw his ride swing around a corner and vanish. Dagur turned back to him and his expression was suddenly pitiless.

"You were with them?" he growled, cracking his fists. Hiccup gave a self-conscious and very nervous laugh.

"Hey," he said without much hope of being believed, "all I'm trying to to do is get home for Snoggletog!"


	9. Jailbreak

**9: Jailbreak**

The cell door clanged shut as Hiccup stared in utter shock. Somehow, his increasingly improbable quest to finally go home for Snoggletog and celebrate with his family had landed him in a jail cell in Berserk on Snoggletog Eve. And worse, he seemed to have been abandoned by everyone he was travelling with.

"You do realise you've got the wrong person don't you?" he asked the cop who had pulled the short straw in having to watch the cells while the rest of the force had gone to the bar next door.

"They all say that," the cop grouched back and sat in his chair, lacing his hands behind his head and closing his eyes.

"Well, on current experience, I would guess that it's because you keep catching the wrong people!" Hiccup snapped back. "I demand a lawyer, a judge and bail!"

"No, no and no," the cop replied snarkily.

"I have a right to an attorney," Hiccup pointed out. "And if I cannot afford one, you have to appoint one for me."

"We'll do all that after the holiday," the cope said.

"No you won't," Hiccup snapped. "Holding me without charge over Snoggletog is a cruel and unusual punishment especially as I am innocent."

"So we'll charge you," the cop said, sitting up and glaring at Hiccup.

"Not without reading me my Miranda rights...and then you have to get me an attorney..."

"On the 27th," the cop sneered and Hiccup rolled this eyes.

"By then, I will literally be a dead man having missed Snoggletog and my Dad's 60th," he protested.

"Then you shouldn't have blown up this trucks..."

"I DIDN'T!" Hiccup shouted.

"Then who did?"

"I didn't see," Hiccup said truthfully. _Though I have a damned good idea..._ "Some guys were grabbing my girlfriend and I ran to get them off her and then a load of goons jumped on me and I ended up here..." The cop stared at him.

"You know the Mayor's son demanded you were locked up?" he told Hiccup, seeing the tall man grip the bars tightly. "You really hacked off the wrong person, sonny! So you're going to rot in jail until after the holidays and then we'll sort this all out..."

"This is unconstitutional!" Hiccup growled.

"Tell someone who cares!" the cop sneered and the auburn-haired man threw his arms up.

"Fine!" he snapped. "I try to go home after six years, I end up being knocked off my bike by an insane woman driver, being kept awake by the noisiest sex...ever, caught in a car fire, thrown off a train, chased out of a diner by men with guns and now wrongfully arrested in Berserk. And all I wanted was to spend the holiday with my family!"

"Better luck next year!" the cop said smugly and settled back in his chair. Hiccup stomped to the bed and sat down, his face locked in a furious scowl.

"Next year I'll lock myself in my apartment with my cat, a good book and a triple giant sized turkey and pepperoni pizza," he grumbled, then closed his eyes. Truth be told, he was disappointed that the others had left him. He had looked out for Astrid, gotten Fish away and mended the twins' truck. True, he hadn't done much for Snotlout except sabotage his car but his cousin had so much to atone for that a simple breakdown hardly even scratched the surface of what he owed Hiccup. He ran his hands through his auburn hair and sighed. He had one phone call and he would have to spend it to apologise to his Mom-he couldn't talk to his Dad because he would end up hanging up during the ensuing argument. And, of course, if he ended up locked up much longer, he would probably lose his job as well.

So it was with these grim thoughts that he tried to ignore what was going on around him...until the door opened and someone walked in.

"Are you in charge of the cells?" a familiar voice purred. Hiccup's eyes opened-and then he gaped...though the cop's eyes were already metaphorically out on stalks.

"Ya...ya...yes..." the man managed as a sultry figure sashayed towards him. The woman was dressed in an absolutely form-fitting blood red silk dress with high mandarin neck, no sleeves and a slash all the way up to the left hip. Black fishnets and killer red heels along with blood red nails and lips accessorised the stunning outfit. Mascara emphasised sparkling azure eyes and golden hair fell in waves to her mid back. Astrid leaned forward and smiled playfully.

"I'm Astrid Gregory," she purred. "Wife of Bryan Gregory-the Vikings United Linebacker?" The man nodded hopelessly, his jaw hanging open.

"You're beautiful..." he drooled. She gave a smile that promised so much...

"I've come to see your prisoner," she said sensuously, raising her arms and running her fingers back through her loose hair. "Hmm...I guess you want to frisk me? A little? Perhaps...big boy...?" And she smiled. The cop almost fell over himself as he hastened towards her and she fluttered her eyes. "I like a strong man," she purred. The cop nodded and stared hopefully into her eyes. She smiled...then punched him out.

He landed like a felled tree across the desk, then bounced to the floor. Astrid scowled and stomped to the sprawled shape, fetching the keys and briskly stamping across to the cell door, her eyes flicking up to stare at the lean shape sitting casually on the bed.

"What happened to Miss Come-and-frisk-me-big-boy?" he asked, grinning as she unlocked the door.

"Hey, you try wearing the damned heels," she grumbled. "Thank Thor I decided not to bin the damned things..." He got up and walked to her, his limp still obvious. He stood inches from her and gave a small smile.

"Now don't take this the wrong way, Astrid, but you are damned gorgeous in that dress," he murmured, then leaned forward and pressed a firm kiss on the mouth. "You make an outstanding Bonnie..."

"For that to work, you'd have to be Clyde," she pointed out as they went to the cupboard to retrieve his jacket and possessions. He checked his wallet, keys and phone carefully and then smiled.

"Yeah, not really a criminal...until I walk out that door and become a wanted fugitive..." he admitted.

"Only in Berserk," she reminded him as he linked his arm with hers.

"Thank Thor-nowhere important then!" he grinned. She glanced around.

"Um...where are all the cops?" she asked him and he jerked his head to his right.

"In the bar next door," he smirked. "Now I think we oughtta get out of here before someone notices that I'm no longer in my cell..." Astrid stared at the long rank of cop cars lined up outside the station and bar.

"Any good?" she asked and he shook his head, laughing softly.

"No, that really would be pushing it too far," he murmured...then his eyes alighted on a bulky shape parked a few yards down the street. A red-painted garbage truck was sitting conveniently waiting and unattended.

"Wow-you know how to show a girl a good time," she protested. He checked the street and led her swiftly across, opening the doors and helping her up before scrambling in himself.

"To be honest, I thought you'd upped and left me," he said quietly, retrieving the keys and starting the engine. She stilled and looked at him.

"Oh Harry...I would never leave you," she said gently. "While those idiots were running away, you ran into danger to rescue me! Of course, I did have to break Snotlout's nose when we got back to the truck because he did want to leave you behind, though the twins and Fish wouldn't allow it. And Fish got a phone call and told me to tell you the box made it!" She shrugged and then looked even more perplexed as he slowly smiled.

"Then we've got Dagur," he said softly. "Tax evasion..."

"Hah...can't see the twins accepting that as suitable retribution..."

"Hey-they got Al Capone on that!" Hiccup protested. "And the IRS is big enough not to care how powerful Oswald is..."

"But we're not," Astrid said suddenly. "I think we should go..."

An explosion shook the truck and Hiccup stared at her. He peered into the wing mirror...to see the Town Hall blow up. "Oh Gods," he muttered. "Thorston specials?" She nodded. "What is it about them and Town Halls?" he exclaimed.

"They're mutton-heads," she said resignedly as the green and white truck roared down the road, swerving and ramming the backs of all the parked cop cars. There was an unearthly crunching and rending of metal and the cars all smashed together and cops began to pour from the bar.

"And that's our cue!" Hiccup said, flooring the gas pedal and pulling out after the rapidly receding truck. The cops were staring in shock as they raced away...and then Berserk's finest milled around, pushing and shoving as they started trying to find a squad car that hadn't be totally trashed by the twins. A volley of shots zinged around them. "Again with the shooting! What is it about people?"

"This is Berserk," Astrid grinned, stretching her legs out. Hiccup's eyes popped wide and he almost swerved. "HA! Now who can't drive?" she said smugly.

"Hey...no one can keep his eyes on the road with a killer pair of legs next to him," he protested. "I'm a man not a stone!" Her eyes flicked up as he precisely swept the garbage truck round to follow Barf'n'Belch and she smiled.

"Hey-where did you learn to drive a truck anyway?" she asked him. He shrugged.

"Work," he said. "They needed someone to move the gear so I volunteered to get trained. I learned to drive the trucks after I lost my leg...it made me feel...normal..." She inspected his face and saw his lips lift in a little smile, his emerald eyes sparkling gently. She felt a flutter in her chest and unconsciously touched her fingers to her lips.

"Oh you're not normal," she murmured. "You are very very special, Biker Boy..." He chanced a glance at her and gave a little dip of the head.

"Why thank you, Milady," he said cheerfully as the bullets zinged off the garbage truck. "Now all we need to do is evade the police chase and get safely back to Berk..."

"Haven't you learnt by now that getting to Berk seems to be next to impossible?" she smirked. He sighed.

"I suspect you're right, Milady," he murmured. "And we will soon have half of Berserk on our tail..." He drove quietly for a few minutes and then glanced at Astrid. "If we go over the hills, we can get to Berk quicker...but Dagur and his gang will be after us." He paused. He knew every route out of Berserk because he had been dragged along every year to the annual Mayoral visit-and had to deal with Dagur every time. The psychopathic son of Mayor Oswald had tormented the younger Hiccup every time and the boy had learned the map of Berserk by heart, learned every possible way he could get away from Dagur...

"Have the twins got any explosives left?" he asked suddenly. Astrid rolled her eyes.

"They're the twins-of course they have!" she said sarcastically. He grinned.

"Sarcasm? I seem to be rubbing off on you, Milady," he murmured.

" _Milady?_ Where did that come from?" she asked him suspiciously. He flicked a brief glance at her.

"From the moment you walked into that police station, looking like the most amazing Valkyrie in the history of the Nine Realms and punched out that cop," he told her. There was a pause as her lips tilted up in a genuine, delighted smile at the sincerity in his intense voice. For a moment, she looked utterly delighted.

"You know, that is probably the sweetest compliment anyone has ever paid me," she told him.

"I mean every word," hr murmured, then sighed. "Can you ask the twins to chuck me one explosive and then head up the hill road and get someone to almost chop down Fredbor's pine? We need them to be ready to blow down the Four Sisters as well to block the road... once we get there."

"And what will we be doing?" Astrid asked, her eyes widening.

"Blocking the main bridge to the Highway," he told her with a grin, "while drawing pursuit off. With the bridge out and the mountain road blocked, they can only follow us to Berk by heading the wrong way through Murderous and Meathead-an extra fifty miles. We should be able to get away..."

"What do they teach at Engineering School?" Astrid asked him in shock. He chuckled.

"How to solve problems..." he admitted and there was a pause.

"That's what you've been doing all trip, hasn't it?" she realised. He nodded.

"Though, to be honest, I never anticipated being chased by the authorities in Berserk with the Mayor and his super-violent psychopathic son on our tail," he said thoughtfully. Astrid flipped her phone over and rang Ruff...and soon they pulled alongside the twins, accepting a couple of what looked suspiciously like sticks of dynamite and shouting instructions. Snotlout visibly swelled in pride.

"I'm the all-Berk tree-felling champion!" he boasted.

"As long as you delay the actually felling until we're past, knock yourself out!" Hiccup shouted and peeled away towards the oncoming cars, causing them to scatter, then spin round and race after the garbage truck. The twins roared off up the road, vanishing through the commercial distract and up the winding road into the hills. Astrid leaned forward.

"This is dangerous, isn't it?" she asked quietly. He nodded.

"I would have offered you the chance to swap trucks..." he said, "but I'm afraid I really need you to throw the explosives..." She gave a small smile.

"I wouldn't have left you anyway," she told him honestly. "I ruined your trip and I want to see you safely back in Berk..."

"I will make sure you get home too," he promised, his emerald eyes shining as the bridge came up ahead...and the blue and red flashing lights of the massed cop cars illuminated the road. Hiccup narrowed his eyes, seeing Dagur and Oswald, standing with their goons by a pair of top of the range Mercedes with darkened windows. Both were in matching sharp suits and shiny back leather shoes. "Now...if you see anyone looking more like a gang boss around here, point him out to me," he commented dryly as the congenial-looking Mayor gestured violently to his men and they all raised guns, aiming at the truck.

"Wow...they seem pissed," Astrid grinned, fumbling in the glove box and finding a lighter.

"They'll be more pissed in a moment," Hiccup said, dropping his foot on the gas pedal and accelerating. "Get down!" he added as bullets zinged at them and he ducked as well, aiming the truck precisely at the most expensive vehicles present. There were shouts as everyone tried to leap out the way while Hiccup managed to sideswipe both Dagur and Oswald's cars, sending then careening into the barriers with an awful crunch...and down into the icy river below. Astrid gaped.

"Did you just...?" she asked in shock. He smirked.

"I can see why the twins enjoy mindless destruction," he admitted as he slowed, spinning the unwieldy truck round and managing a turn that only knocked a hole in one of the rails that ran along the bridge. "This is the hard part...are you ready, Milady...?"

"I think you just made Clyde," she commented, flicking the lighter on. The flame flickered as she shared a smile with the auburn-haired man. "You know, this has been the best trip ever?"

"Boy, what that says about your previous travels doesn't bear thinking about..." he commented sarcastically.

"There's my Harry," she grinned.

 _'My' Harry? Oh Thor..._

"We just need to wreck the road surface, not demolish the bridge," he reminded her. "We just need to stop them cutting us off at the city limits of Berk.." She grinned and wound her window down.

"I'm ready..." she said as the cops moved their cars to intercept. He revved the engine...

"NOW!" he shouted and slammed his foot down. The garbage truck lurched forward as Astrid leaned out of the window and grinned. A couple of cop cars came at them and she lobbed the first explosive at them. The ensuring explosion blew the cars high in the air, tumbling onto the carriageway and melting the surface as they burnt. Hiccup slammed the truck through the cordon once more as Astrid tossed the second, catching the middle of the cordon, exploding more cars and blocking the bridge. Bullets zinged around the truck as they swung away and sped towards the mountain road.

"WHOO!" Astrid grinned, sitting back into the seat as he checked the wing mirrors and cornered carefully, then accelerated on the narrow road up into the mountains. "Wow! The only way that could've been better would be if it was Bryan I just blew up!"

"Your ex-husband better hope he never crosses paths with you again..." he said dryly as they began to zig-zag up the winding road. Away from the city, the only illumination were the truck's lights, picking out trees at the side of the road and the occasional shape of an owl that silently flapped out of the gloom for a few wingbeats and then back into the darkness once more. Astrid stretched and yawned.

"I was really worried about going home because I knew my family would quiz me forever about Bryan and my failed marriage," she sighed. "But now I have something else to tell them...someone else to tell them about..." He felt his lips curve in a smile at her next words. "Thank you, Harry."

"My pleasure..." he murmured. _Really...my pleasure..._


	10. Kith and Kin

**10: Kith and Kin**

They drove for about fifteen minutes up the winding mountain road out of Berserk, ears straining for sounds of pursuit by the authorities before they slowed, seeing the green and white truck parked up ahead. The headlamps illuminating a huge pine that was partially axed through and the stocky shape standing next to it, his cap pushed back and axe slung arrogantly over his shoulder. The garbage truck sailed by and parked up beyond Barf'n'Belch, the hiss of the brakes loud in the nighttime forest. The twins were standing shouting unhelpful advice to Snotlout. Hiccup leapt down.

"Ready?" he asked. The twins offered him their hands.

"Don't leave us hanging, Harry," Tuff warned and he completed the twin high-fives. "Fish told us what you did."

"And though it isn't blowing up his trucks...which would have been awesomer...at least it means come New Year...we and the other truckers will have a future," Ruff admitted, then threw a tight hug around him. Tuff joined in.

"Thorston sandwich!" he shouted and Hiccup remained still, his eyes staring helplessly up at Astrid...but she wasn't mad. In fact, she was almost falling off her seat in the truck, helpless with laughter at his astonished face.

"You're alright, Harry," Ruff added. "And if you ever get tired of Astrid...I'm free and very willing..." She rolled his eyes at her attempt to be alluring...which just came out as unsettlingly creepy and weird.

"Thanks...but I'm good," he managed, finally struggling free. "Are the Four Sisters ready to blow?" Tuff winked and gestured to the identical four spruces all wired up with explosives.

"They'll blow sky high on your command!" he assured the lanky man, then headed back to the truck as Hiccup walked slowly towards Snotlout. This was the part he wasn't looking forward to-because Snotlout knew him better than anyone else...and was the most likely to uncover his subterfuge. But he limped up to his cousin, watching the cocky man leer at him, his nose swollen and bruising still forming under his eyes from Astrid's punch.

"I see the jailbird is out," he sneered. "You know, I told Astrid she didn't need to waste her time on you..."

"Glad she didn't listen," Hiccup said, his emerald gaze pointedly lingering on the man's broken nose. "You ready?" Snotlout preened, flexing his muscles.

"I'm the Champion of Berk for the last six years!" he boasted. "Jorgensen Lumber's one and only Snotlout 'Champ' Jorgensen!" Hiccup nodded.

"Knock 'em out, Champ!" he said sarcastically and Snotlout expertly slammed the axe into the trunk, swiftly completing the cut.

"TIM-BERRRRRR!" he roared as the huge tree slammed down across the narrow road, blocking the way. Hiccup smiled and turned...and in that moment, Snotlout looked up, seeing the faint, small scar on the right side of his chin, just below the lip. His jaw hung slack for a moment, then his face curled in a nasty smile. " _Hiccup?"_

The lean, auburn-haired man stiffened and he sighed softly.

"So it is you," Snotlout sneered, coming closer, his face vaguely triumphant. "I knew there was something off about you...'Harry'..." He walked around the taller man and leered into his face. "Scared to give us your real name? Afraid we would see through you for the useless loser you really are?"

"Have you heard yourself?" Hiccup sighed. "I have a home, a job, two degrees, a classic bike..."

"You can say what you want..." Snotlout sneered. "But I see a skinny loser in a wrecked jacket with a bruised face, the cops on his tail and hiking with two other losers..."

"While I see a brainless clod who has moved precisely a hundred yards to his Daddy's company because he has no brain, skill or talent to earn anything for himself! How did Football go at College, Snot? Or did I hear you were thrown out for partying and losing your fitness...and just not being good enough?"

"Does Astrid know?" Snotlout menaced, leaning close, his face visibly red with anger. "Does she know her hero 'Harry' is nothing more than Useless Hiccup the loser, pretending to be someone cool and preventing Astrid from coming to be with me-as she was always meant to be!"

"And what she wants?" Hiccup asked. "She certainly doesn't want that from you-you insensitive, sex-obsessed moron!"

"Let's see what she says when she finds out you're a fraud, Hiccup. See if she wants anything to do with you then...?" Snotlout threatened but Hiccup snapped round to face him.

"You know, I've wanted to do this for years," he said sharply, pulled his fist back and punched Snotlout as hard as he could in the face.

There was a shocked silence as everyone stared at them. Snotlout's eyes rolled back into his head and he went down like a felled tree. Tuffnut gave a whoop.

"Thor's mighty hammer!" he shouted in admiration.

"And Snotlout's paper jaw," Ruff added wisely. Hiccup sighed and beckoned them over.

"Little help here?" he asked. "We oughtta get him on the truck and then we can finally blow those trees and go home to Berk!"

oOo

Despite the fact it was incredibly late and cold and they had dumped the garbage truck outside the town hall-that the twins had promised _not_ to blow up-Hiccup had helped Astrid drag her luggage all the way to her parents' home. The walk had been largely silent but companionable: Hiccup was really exhausted and Astrid seemed distracted. Of course, Hiccup knew where her family lived-he had crushed on Astrid since he was about ten, though she had never acknowledged he existed until the previous day-so he was careful not to let on he knew where they were going.

The neat house still had the lights on outside and a holly wreath on the blue-painted front door. Hiccup groaned and puffed as he manhandled the ridiculously heavy cases onto the front step...and then paused to stare at Astrid.

"You'll be okay?" he murmured. She paused, then stared up into his kind face, a hand rising to stroke his bruised cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Harry," she said softly. "I really am. I should have taken more care. I could have killed you..." She paused. "But I don't regret the last two days...because I got to meet you..." He shuffled a little closer, his hands gently dropping to her waist.

"You know, this should have been a nightmare...but you turned it into a dream," he murmured then broke into a broad grin. "Gods, that was corny!" She rested her head against his chest, laughing.

"You are such a great guy, Harry," she murmured, staring up into his eyes. "Kind, caring, patient, inventive, determined...and maybe a bit sarcastic..."

"Only a bit?" he smirked and she smiled again.

"How come we never met before?" she asked him, her azure eyes wide.

 _We did. You just never gave me the time of day._

"I guess fate was just making us wait," he sighed. "Would you have gone for a guy like me before? Or would you have chosen the jock? I mean you are insanely beautiful, smart, sassy and fierce...I would never stand a chance with a Valkyrie like you normally. I suspect my only chance would be to kidnap you in a cross-country disaster trip..."

Her hands landed gently on his cold cheeks and pulled him into a passionate kiss that lasted far longer than Hiccup could ever have dreamed. His lips were on fire and his chest was exploding with utter delight and joy at the moment.

"Best. Trip. Ever..." she smiled and sighed, reluctantly turning to the door. "I ought to go in...do you want to...?" He shook his head.

"I oughtta see my own parents...before they think I've died on the road or forgotten to come," he admitted. "But you have made my year, Astrid Hofferson."

"Thank you for bringing me home," she smiled then turned back as he reluctantly stepped back. "Will I see you again?" He smiled.

"I know where you live, Milady...so anything is possible," he told her, turning back to the road and heading into the cold for the last leg of his journey.

oOo

Snoggletog lights were twinkling on the guttering but otherwise the large wood-clad house was in darkness as he finally reached his childhood home. He paused at the entrance of the drive, staring at the holly wreath on the door before slowly limping up the drive to stand on the front step. This certainly wasn't how he had planned on returning home. Self-consciously, he ran his hand through his auburn hair: he was dishevelled and had a bruised face and a split lip, his biker's jacket was ripped, his jeans smeared with mud from when he was taken down at Berserk Haulage and he was officially a fugitive from justice.

He leaned forward and pulled the bell.

He stared at the door of a long time until he heard steps close, heard the bolts slide back and the door open. He stared up into the familiar face of his father, framed by flaming red hair and enormous braided beard. The enormous man was wrapped in a chocolate brown fluffy dressing gown with brown plaid pyjama pants visible and huge sheepskin slippers on his feet.

Stoick Haddock's eyes widened as he stared at the dishevelled, lean young man with wild dark auburn hair and his wife's eyes. He swallowed.

"H-Hiccup?" he mouthed. The young man shrugged.

"Hey, Dad," he sighed. "Sorry I'm a bit late..."

Stoick stared at him, utterly frozen. Hiccup's emerald eyes flashed with defensive anger.

"Hello?" he said, waving his hand in front of his father's face. "Gods, this is all I need. I have finally come home-metaphorically and physically and I have to say, I have endured the journey from Hel! My classic motorbike was wiped out by a careless driver, my motel room was given away and the replacement was next door to the loudest sexual athlete in the history of Midgard: I have been caught in a car fire, thrown off a train, hitch-hiked really unsuccessfully, got chased from a diner by men with guns, ended up in the middle of a trucker's vendetta, thrown in jail in Berserk, been broke out of jail in Berserk, blown up a bridge and a shed load of cop cars and punched out Snotlout! So if you have anything to say, I suggest you keep it to yourself!"

His eyes were glittering with irritation as Stoick stirred.

"Val! You need to come now!" Stoick shouted in a hoarse voice, never taking his eyes from his prodigal son. There was the sound of running feet and his mother, wearing green and white striped pyjamas, pushed past the Mayor. Her face contorted in shock and sudden delight and she flung herself on her son, wrapping a ferocious embrace around him. Finally, he relaxed, hugging her back and closing his eyes as he buried his face in her shoulder. Suddenly, an enormous par of arms enfolded them both as Stoick joined in the hug.

"You're home," Valka said, her voice hitching with emotion. "My baby is finally home. We were so worried...we thought you weren't coming back. We-we tried to phone you but it just went to voicemail..." Hiccup sighed.

"Lost reception over the hills...and my battery finally died," he admitted. "Sorry..." Valka kissed him on the forehead.

"It doesn't matter," she said gently. "You're home for Snoggletog...and you've grown...Gods, you're a handsome young man now..."

"Way to make me realise what you used to think of me, Mom," he said sarcastically. Stoick gave a sudden chuckle.

"There's my boy," he said, drawing the whole family into the green oak hallway. He closed the door against the night chill and led them into the living room where the fire was still burning low. Valka went to make a hot chocolate for her freezing son as Stoick sat opposite him, taking up almost an entire two-seater couch. Hiccup dropped his rucksack and holdall onto the rug and sat cautiously.

"So...how are you, son?" Stoick asked softly. Hiccup sighed.

"Fine," he began. "I..."

"And work...?"

"Well, it's going pretty well and..."

"Anyone in your life?"

Hiccup's eyes flicked up.

"Should I bother to answer or will you interrupt me with that one as well?" he asked sharply. Stoick's eyes narrowed and he seemed on the verge of responding...but he held himself back and then he sighed.

"You grew up," he said finally, his voice sad. "You left home and grew up...and I missed it."

"You missed much of my childhood and growing up anyway," Hiccup told him shortly. "You were always too busy with running this town and then disapproving of what you saw of me. I was never the son you wanted, never the buff, strong football-star offspring you craved. You would have been better with Snotlout!"

Stoick looked genuinely shocked.

"I-I...I am so sorry you believe that," he said in a hurt voice. "Because I know Snotlout was never going to be a quarter of the man, of the success you are..." He paused and drew himself up. "I am so sorry, son. I-I know I've not been the best father. And I know I never supported you as well as I should. I guess that was why you left...because I never backed you doing what you wanted. I know I put a lot of pressure on you to follow in my footsteps..I see that now...but you have to be your own man..."

Hiccup's emerald eyes flicked up and inspected the huge shape. His bruised face flicked into a small smile.

"I never wanted to tell people what to do...I prefer to create, to build...to make the world a better place..."

"Just as I do...but you do it in your own way," Stoick realised. He swallowed. "I have been a fool." Hiccup gave his lopsided smile,

"Probably we both have," he admitted. "I'm too stubborn to ask for help...and you're too stubborn to realise when you should be giving it anyway!"

"I'm not getting any younger, Hiccup," Stoick said, the bags under his eyes more pronounced. The young man noted much more grey in the beard than he had remembered and nodded, a thrill of anxiety running down his spine: it was the reason why he had returned this year. "I have missed a quarter of your life with you going. And you are my only son, my only child. I don't care why you left any more...I just want you in my life again. I am looking towards stepping back and spending more time at home...and I would love to see more of you. I don't want you to follow me if you don't want...I just want to be part of your life once more. And I will support your choices, whatever they may be. Just...forgive me, son? Let me be your father once more?"

There was a pause and then Hiccup slowly rose to his feet, limping over to the huge shape...and threw a huge hug around his Dad.

"I've missed you too, Dad," he admitted, burying his face in his father's shoulder. "I forgive you..." Valka watched from the door, two cups of hot chocolate in her hands and tears in her eyes.

"Welcome home, son," Stoick said.


	11. You remember my son, Hiccup Haddock?

**11: Epilogue-You remember my son, Hiccup Haddock?**

Astrid stared at her reflection in the mirror and smiled. Snoggletog had been far better than she could have imagined and being back with her family, with two dozen welcoming and fiercely loyal Hoffersons had made her feel...normal once more. Of course, her parents, younger brother Ivar and Uncle Finn had all been incredibly supportive about her divorce and all of them had promised that she would be safe and welcome with them for as long as she wanted to stay. But she had spent the few moments during the day-long party she hadn't been bantering with her family missing a sparkling pair of emerald eyes and lopsided smile.

She checked her lipstick and flicked her golden braid over her left shoulder. She was back on the stunning blood red silk dress though she was wearing rather more modest plain black stockings and the blood red killer heels because a tiny corner of her hoped that she may see Harry somewhere as they drove through Berk to the party. She brushed her skirt down and grabbed her purse, then grabbed a shawl and raced downstairs. Her parents, Ivar and Finn all stared at her appreciatively.

"That Bryan was a brainless fool," Finn growled, eyeing her with a smile. "My favourite niece has grown up into a beautiful Valkyrie!" Astrid blushed, dipping her head. It sounded weird when her Uncle said it...because she really wanted to hear that gentle, slightly-nasal voice that had said the words with such complete sincerity it had made her heart judder...

"We're late," Halvard Hofferson said slightly impatiently and the family dutifully filed out to the SUV, wrapped warmly. It hadn't snowed yet but was forecast for later and the family wanted to be safely at their destination by then. They with their friends the Ingermans, the Thorstons and of course, the Jorgensens were all going to Mayor Stoick Haddock's sixtieth birthday party. It was a family affair with only close friends present but Astrid and her generation were expected to attend as well. She sighed: an afternoon fending off Snotlout was looming ahead, though at least the twins and Fishlegs would be there. She guessed they had all got home safely...though she still smiled at the way Harry had punched out the irritating Snotlout. Gods, that had been something that had been coming for years!

"The Mayor's son will be at the party as well," Ingrid told her daughter and Astrid glanced up. She had forgotten that Hiccup would be there. She had ignored him at school but he had vanished three days after graduation and it had been his example that had prompted her to make her own move. After all, if 'Useless' Hiccup could sum up the courage to flee Berk, then certainly 'Fearless' Astrid Hofferson shouldn't allow anything to hold her back. Unbidden, Harry's words rolled round her memory:

 _Would you have gone for a guy like me before? Or would you have chosen the jock?_

Yet Harry was an amazing guy-sarcastic, clever, patient, inventive...and he was certainly no jock. She sighed. She should give Hiccup a chance: after all, what had she to feel superior about? A failed marriage, no home or car and an empty bank account. Her escape from Berk had failed and she was now back home with all her worldly possessions in two suitcases that she had needed Harry's help to drag home.

She touched her fingers to her lips once more and smiled in memory of that searing final kiss. She would greet Hiccup like an old friend and treat him as he deserved-like one of their gang, a fellow graduate from Berk High and escapee from Berk. They had treated him poorly for too long and now she was back, it was time to make up for past mistakes.

The SUV pulled up outside the house, seeing the others' cars already there. The Hoffersons swiftly rang the doorbell and Valka let them in, kissing everyone on the cheek and taking coats as they entered. Astrid and her family went into the main drawing room, greeting old friends and collecting drinks. She grinned at the twins and Fishlegs and tried to avoid Snotlout, who had two black eyes, a swollen nose and a huge bruise on his chin. She grabbed an egg nog and drifted over to the twins and hugged Ruff in greeting, before bumping fists with Tuff.

"You got home okay?" she asked and they nodded.

"Erm...yeah," Tuff said distractedly. Astrid frowned.

"Is everything okay?" she asked. Ruff frowned and then nodded.

"Sure..." she murmured. Astrid slammed her egg nog down on the table and folded her arms across her chest, scowling.

"Okay, spill!" she snapped. "What's bugging you?" Ruff looked at Astrid and there was almost...pity?...in her eyes.

"Um...you know Harry?" she began. Astrid nodded.

"Well, duh! Travelled halfway across the country with him!" she said sharply. "Ruff?"

"What's she's trying to say is...he's here..." Fishlegs said. Astrid's face lit with delight.

"Where?" she asked urgently. The big accountant sighed and gestured.

"Over by Stoick," he said and Astrid grabbed her drink and sped across the room. He looked over at Ruff. "How do you think she'll respond?"

"Astrid doesn't like being lied to," the female twin replied. "Shame...because he actually seems perfect for her..." Tuff tilted his head and grabbed a mouthful of potato chips.

"Mmmm mphtl mmm mmumbbb..." he said. Fishlegs scowled in incomprehension.

"What?" he asked in confusion. Ruff shrugged.

"He said-don't bet against it. Astrid has grown up as well..." she sighed. "Hope you're right, mutton-head. Because I really want her to be happy..."

Astrid walked swiftly through the small groups of adults, her eyes searching for the tall, lean shape, instead finding the huge shape of the Mayor. She smiled brightly and he beckoned her over, accepting the kiss on the cheek in greeting. The Mayor was in fine form, grinning cheerfully, an enormous grey jumper with a fat snowman straining across his enormous girth.

"Astrid-how wonderful to see you...and you look ravishing," he said gently.

"It's an honour to be here, sir," she said politely. "And many happy returns of the day. Are you having a good birthday?" Stoick grinned and nodded.

"Though the best present has been the return of my son for the holidays," he admitted. He turned his head towards the buffet table. "Hiccup? There's someone you should meet!" A familiar shape glanced up, dressed in a green jumper with a knitted Rudolph on the front, his brown jeans cleaned and pressed and brown converse replacing biker boots on his feet. Stoick completely missed the widening of her azure eyes. "You remember my son, Hiccup Haddock?"

Hiccup walked up, his emerald eyes warm with amusement as he gave his lopsided grin. Astrid mouthed the word 'Harry' and he nodded.

"Astrid Hofferson," he greeted her warmly. "You look utterly ravishing...like the most amazing Valkyrie in the history of the Nine Realms. Where have you been my entire life?" She stared at him, anger, amusement and shock all warring at the sight of the man she had longed to see. But he was the same person...whatever his name... She pulled herself together and shrugged.

"Oh you know...marrying the wrong man when I should have been looking for a man with a classic bike, his own apartment, a loyalish cat named Toothless, two degrees in Engineering, killer sarcasm and an amazing ability to make a plan out of nothing!" she murmured. "What the...why didn't you...?"

He gave a very small, self-conscious smile. "Would you have looked at me like anything other than a loser if I had?" he murmured.

"I-I...I had nothing to gloat over," she murmured back.

"You didn't give your name either," he pointed out softly, leaning closer and staring into her azure eyes.

"I...force of habit," she admitted. "But you must have realised after Fishlegs..." He nodded.

"And by then...I preferred being Harry..." he admitted. "You...were actually kind of nice to me. It all went crazy when we ran into the twins...and I...well...when you came to rescue me, you were kind of the girl of my dreams..."

"While you became the best man I've ever met..." she murmured. "Harry...Hiccup...I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ruined your bike. I'm sorry I ruined your journey. I'm sorry I got you thrown off a train. I'm sorry you ended up jailed. But I'm not sorry I met you again...because it was the best journey ever. I-I should have been fair to you years ago and I was so stupid not to give you the chance you deserved-because you were amazing. And despite everything, you got me home for Snoggletog."

"I promised," he smiled, his voice gentle. "And I always keep my promises." A shiver ran down her spine and she blushed. She couldn't believe she was going to ask this when the girl she had been would have just been unreasonably mad. But the amazing guy she had met was worth keeping in her life. She swallowed.

"And I-I suppose you have a girlfriend back home?" His emerald eyes twinkled at her tentative voice, seeing her eyes flick up to lock with his for a second before he walked a couple of paces to the buffet and snagged a potato chip. He turned back to her.

"Strangely, no-because I was actually looking for a Valkyrie who can't drive that well, knows nothing whatsoever about basic vehicular maintenance, is stubborn, fiery, brave, loyal, uses up all the towels, packs her cases with bricks and...maybe would forgive someone who was afraid to tell her his name in case she rejected him for who he had been, not who he was..." His voice was wary, his eyes brilliant with his hope and his naked affection for her.

"Well, after my divorce, I would need to know a guy pretty well before I trusted again," she said thoughtfully, seeing Stoick glancing from one to the other, utterly confused. "Say...that he was sarcastic, rather neat, obsessed with his bike, a bit whiny, chivalrous, generous, has a prosthetic leg, is a fabulous kisser and has loved me unrequitedly for years. Oh and who would sabotage Snotlout's car and punch him out to protect me..."

"Can't think of anyone like that," Hiccup said with a smile, walking slowly towards her. He stopped inches from her. "Do you want to go out with me?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" she told him and slammed her lips against his, her hands grabbing the jumper across his chest as his hands slid down to her waist. Snotlout, who had seen her enter and was expecting her to reject Hiccup for lying froze as he caught sight of them, a cup of egg nog in each hand. Both fell to the floor with a crash.

"Princess-nooooooooo!" he moaned. Stoick's face split in a huge smile.

"That's my boy!" he exclaimed loudly as Valka and Gobber walked up...and both gaped in shock. "That was quick work!"

The twins and Fishlegs whooped in celebrations, high-fiving and cheering at the sight of the kiss between their two friends. And despite everything, Hiccup _had_ been a friend to them on the journey, helping every one of them on the way. Unconscious of everything except her body pressed against his, Hiccup slid his hand up to gently stroke Astrid's cheek, staring lovingly into her azure eyes.

"I love you," he murmured. She nodded.

"I know," she breathed. "I-I think I knew anyway...especially when you kissed me when you saw me safely home. And...I think I love you too."

"It's okay, Astrid," he said gently. "We'll just take it one day at a time...and one date at a time." He gave her another small kiss. "We'll see what the future holds...and what our journey together will be..." She sniggered.

"As long as I don't drive, right?" she teased him.

"You read my mind," he smirked and nuzzled against her cheek gently.

"Merry Snoggletog, Hiccup," she said, smiling. He grinned back, emerald eyes brilliant with happiness.

"Merry Snoggletog, Milady," he said.

 **The End**

 **A/N: And Happy Snoggletog, Christmas or Holidays to you all!**


End file.
